The day before Good Friday - up North

Welfare reform: parents to be responsible for their kids until they are 30

The government has today announced a further initiative to reform state welfare provision. In future, the government will make parents legally and financially responsible for their children until they reach the age of 30.

This means adults under 30 will be expected to live at home if they cannot afford their own place, and they will not be eligible for any state benefits.

‘Everyone thinks kids are cute,’ said a spokesman, ‘until they are old enough to have mobile phones and get stroppy.  Then it gets tougher.  We want to reinforce the responsibilities of parents in starting a family, and we want to avoid feckless Gen-Z snowflakes from clogging up the benefit system.  It’s costing us a fortune.

‘Parents usually know how to keep their kids in line – the naughty step, being grounded, star charts, removal of their bedroom door, etcetera – so we think that this is very doable.  It will also give the children a tremendous incentive to get jobs and earn enough money to get their own place.  There is only so much outdoor sex that you can have before you get caught.’

‘This will avoid all the tedious arguments about whether state benefits should cover one, two or three streaming services, for example.   And disagreements about whether the state should pay for Frosties and Cocoa Pops and Ready Brek and Multigrain Cheerios.  In future, all those discussions can be settled by the parents.  We respect that fact that different parents will reach different decisions. That’s quite acceptable in a democratic society.’

The initiative will generate massive savings on the welfare bill and ease pressures on social housing.

The government is also considering if children should be responsible for their elderly parents, once they are older than 75. This could generate big savings on the cost of care homes. This further initiative would provide a helpful counterbalance to the new policy on parental responsibility.  Parents would need to be reasonable with their children under 30, or they could face retribution once they are over 75.

Photo by Ben Wicks on Unsplash

BBC dig out Sooty and Sweep for World’s Most Dangerous Locations road trip

In its desperation to combine celebrities with overseas road trips, the BBC have announced children’s favourites Sooty and Sweep will feature in a new six part series, filmed in some of the world’s most dangerous locations.

Whether it’s cooking up a mess in a Guatemalan meth lab, or trying their hand at a drive-by water pistol shooting in Mexico, the game-for-a-laugh pensioners certainly threw themselves into the adventure.

When asked what they enjoyed most, Sweep confirmed it was definitely looking for sausages in Gaza. On the other hand, Sooty found Somalia an eye opener after whipping out his wand in Mogadishu and waving it about. Sadly, “Izzy whizzy let’s get busy” didn’t work its magic as it used to, and the British Embassy had to help the little scamp out of jail.

Both furry friends agreed that Belarus was definitely one to visit and somewhere they felt right at home in a puppet state, while things didn’t go quite as smoothly in Afghanistan where the art of the custard pie in the face was lost on the Taliban. Sweep explained they had to escape in a car hidden in the glove compartment.

If this series proves popular with viewers the Beeb have more former children’s entertainers lined up for overseas jollies, with Muffin the Mule tackling U.S. Customs, and Bill and Ben chasing Weed in Canada.