Starmer & Sunak rush to complete poppy side-quest

In order to unlock the PM2025 skin, players of democracy need to complete a series of arbitrary tasks, each more pointless than the next. The primary quest-giver is Rupert Murdoch, who will send the adventurers on a journey into the bowels of his bowels.

Although it has no direct bearing of the main quest of saving the UK, by collecting 1000 poppies a politician can get themselves 10 Daily Mail stars. These stars can be traded in for a variety of racist powers, such as the dogwhistle, the white hood and the top tier 'rivers of blood' spell.

Said one wannabee PM: 'It can feel like a grind but I've been collecting poppies since October. And the one who gets the most gets to have all the wars they want.'

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Image: Pixabay/susannp4

Starmer complains partial eclipse 'doesn't go far enough'

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Starmer forbids front bench from singing along with Wilson Pickett

Labour leader, Sir Keir Starmer, has told shadow ministers that they shouldn't join in if they hear any song by Wilson Pickett "to be on the safe side."

Former Shadow Minister, Sam Tarry, has expressed doubts about the policy; "This is taking things too far. I was listening to Ken Bruce in my office when Mustang Sally came on, which I sang along with as it brought back powerful memories of a teenage romance I'd had; I really miss that horse. Next thing I know, Keir's popped his head round the door and said 'you're fired.' I mean, I wouldn't mind so much but I later found it was a cover by the Commitments."

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