Labour secretly supplied Harris with Taylor Swift tickets

Keir Starmer has been forced to deny interfering in a foreign election, despite definitely interfering in a foreign election. In his defense, there were plenty of foreigners interfering with his own election, so really this is just Kama for Kamala.

Using Labour's winning strategy may not be so effective, as no one in the US cares that Harris is not Jeremy Corbyn. Plus, the Democrats have struggled to explain why Kamala Harris is cutting winter fuel allowance and now has a season ticket to Arsenal.

Hundreds of staffers have been sent to key swing states, in the hope that invading Brits will be as popular as they were 250 years ago. Said one activist: 'We hope to make Harris as popular as Starmer.' So she is going to win, right? 'That's not what I said.'

Photo by Stephen Mease on Unsplash

It’s not a fat tax, it’s a Wellness Allowance

Rumours about the autumn budget continue to swirl around, each one madder than the one before.  It’s hard to figure out what’s what.  Here’s the latest from the rumour mill.

Commentators, by which we mean people who leak stuff to us, are now suggesting that the budget could include an additional tax allowance for heathy people.

Governments have always been reluctant to bring in a fat tax, because taxing food is a slightly tricky move.   Actually, lots of food is already taxed. Cakes, chocolate, fizzy drinks are all subject to VAT, for example, whereas turnips, sprouts and offal aren’t.   Basically, VAT is charged on anything that is nice to eat.

The new tax break, provisionally called a wellness allowance, will allow any taxpayer with a BMI in the normal range to reduce their income tax bill.   If they send in a doctor’s certificate confirming their BMI, then the HMRC will grant the new allowance for the current tax year.

A spokesman said, ‘The wellness allowance is not a fat tax, it’s a benefit that is available to people who look after their weight. It’s not a sugar tax, or a meat tax, or a pasty tax, or a carpet tax, or any other nonsense.  It’s a wellness benefit.   This is positive reinforcement for good behaviour and will help to reduce the burden on the NHS.  I don't want to read anything about the Nanny State when you write this up.

‘People will naturally worry about the cost of this benefit, against the backdrop of a £40bn tax raid this year.  Let me reassure you that the paperwork involved, and difficulty of getting a GP appointment, will mean that almost nobody will be able to claim the allowance.   If anyone manage to claim it for one year, they probably won’t bother again for the next year.  So the government will get the credit for doing a Good Thing at minimal cost. It’s genius.’

Image: Pixabay/stevepb

Medically obese not to be treated like fat cats

The government has decided that those citizens who are clinically obese are to be 'encouraged' to take part in a lucrative experiment, with the encouragement expected to be a reduction or removal of their benefits.

A study has determined that the contract will result in a number of fat cats who will not have their subsistence removed; rather it will increase with each individual working at the top end of the drug manufacturer becoming filthy rich.  

Other studies have shown making healthy foods more affordable than unhealthy ones would likely result in many of the clinically obese becoming less obese and more likely to become economically productive without expensive drugs, but the fat cats that donate to the government tend to disagree as they largely get fat on ultra processed food.  And providing drugs.

Image: Pixabay/Joa70