Countdown clock to Kate Middleton's 50th birthday denied by tabloid newspapers

Fawning tabloid newspapers wringing every last reason out of running Kate Middleton pics have 'found no evidence' of clocks ticking down to her 50th birthday.

'We don't need a clock,' said the editor of one tabloid newspaper so grim, its pages come pre-stuck together. 'When she hits that point where she's too old and not sexy enough any more, we'll know it and pivot to slagging her off. Or we might just ignore her completely. We have a special skillset in judging when middle-aged women become worthless to us as objectifying them based solely on their looks. We've had a good run out of Kate, but someone else will come along who will take her place. Has Charlotte Church had a foxy young daughter yet?

'Even if she hasn't, then we can always fabricate a thousand reasons to run old pictures of a young Lady Di again. Our only real concern is that our readers might catch gay off Eurovision.'

image from pixabay

Keep one's wife's name out of one's f**king mouth!

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Eagle-eyed Kate spots a bargain.

With Kate and William now able to look for odds and bobs for their new residence Kate discovers a “jewel” of an offer in the classified ads in the Sun on Sunday. It sounds too good to be true but a couple having trouble finding a new abode, have decided to offer their unique stripey wallpaper for 10% of it’s original price. Although it’s been used just once it still retains it’s original sheen, and there is enough for a decent size living room.

There would have been more available but 3 rolls were cut into handy 95mm slices and a further 7 cut at 120mm. These were for the “petit office” as they blended in with the surroundings. One word of advice from the madam of the house. 'Paint the walls of your “petit office” white as both rolls were hard to find against the background! And bring a wheelbarrow, they're bloody heavy.'

Image: kengkreingkrai | Pixabay