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Tired but elated witch-hunters and kangaroo court staff proudly proclaimed that after many years of failure, they have at last managed to bring a miscreant to justice.
'For all too long we have been widely derided for our failure to actually find any witches, or guilty kangaroos. Things suddenly improved when we decided to join forces and work together, cutting costs, improving efficiency and down-sizing our work forces.
'A SWOT analysis revealed that namby-pamby woke-inspired, EU-backed legislation forbade us from hunting witches, let alone burning them. Also the chances of us bringing to justice outside of Australia the world’s largest criminal marsupials was remote. Moving the goalposts to target incompetent lying buffoons was a natural next step.
One buffoon down, one to go. Although we feel confident that more will emerge in the coming years to keep us in business.'
It’s been announced today that a merger between the major phrases “Witch Hunt” and “Kangaroo Court” has been agreed.
The new phrase will be known as “Witch Court” or WC for short. According to one lexical analyst, 'This is a brand refresh that makes sense as the two target markets have almost completely overlapped.'
WC Vice President, Herman Utix, said, “This will save our customers time with the creation of one convenient idiom meaning “any investigation we don’t like”. Encouragingly, we’ve already heard it employed by some of our core users in relation to Trump, with people saying, “Witch Court this week?”.'
It’s believed that "Kangaroo Hunt" was also considered, but rejected owing to a possible legal ownership battle with opponents of UK’s Chancellor of the Exchequer.
Some major users of both phrases were less than happy, however. One protester at the launch of the merger said, 'It’s not enough to steal your guns. These woke types are coming for your cliches now.'
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