Controversial campaign group Just Stop Oil today explained the reasons for its unexpected decision to disband.
“We’ve been incredibly successful in drawing attention to ourse… I mean, the issues,” said acting chairperson Barnaby de Montfort. “But we now feel our work is done, everyone’s accepted we were right and every government’s adopted our policies.
“It’s definitely not because mummy and daddy say they won’t support me any more unless I get a job.”
“Look, we supported your decision to drop out of Sussex half way through your sociology degree,” said his father Rupert. “Though I suspect it wasn’t really to save the planet so much as because you realised even sociology demands a little work now and then.
“But enough’s enough. We said we’d give you six months to get yourself sorted out and find a job. It’s not our fault you spent them throwing soup at paintings.”
After some sulking, Barnaby agreed to take a job at Greggs in the high street on condition he could have his old room back and mummy would still make him dinner every night, with sustainably sourced fishfingers at least once a week.
“Oh, and could we nip down to Brighton and pick up the rest of my stuff? There’s quite a lot, we’d better take the Volvo estate. So what if it uses a lot of petrol - why would you bring that up now? I hate you, it’s so unfair!”
The statement was also signed by his co-chair Indigo Rumbelow (and I didn’t even need to make that name up).
Image: Randgruppe - Pixabay