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Journalists plead “Can we stop writing about Adolescence now?”



A number of journalists have banded together to ask their editors if they can stop writing articles about hard-hitting TV drama Adolescence.


“Look, it was really good, no question,” said spokesman Dave Hack. “Powerful story, amazing acting (especially the kid), highlighting an important issue, so clever to film each episode all in one take, etc etc. Hats off to them.


“But frankly we’re running out of things to say about it. We’ve done scaremongering about ‘Do you know what your son’s viewing online?’, we’ve had thinkpieces about how to raise boys, we’ve had glossaries of what the various emojis mean, we’ve given endless free publicity to tossers like Andrew Tate… We’ve even concocted a pointless row about whether the producers were cowardly to make the killer white, when the suspect in the Southport murders (which the show wasn’t in any way based on) isn’t.”


“And I’ve written every possible version of ‘Male violence is every man’s fault, because it just is’” added Lucretia Harpy of the Guardian. ”And normally there’s nothing I like better, but there are limits.”


Their editors replied that unfortunately they need to continue producing more Adolescence-related material, at least until another show with similar impact is broadcast. 


“And I don’t just mean the next Breaking Bad or The Wire - it needs to be a campaigning show aiming to right a societal wrong, which we can enthusiastically get behind despite showing no previous interest in the problem and in many cases actively contributing to it.”



Fight Blue Monday with sharp scissors


Are you ready for Blue Monday?


Blue Monday is 'the most depressing day of the year' and falls this year on January 20th. The day is associated with feelings of sadness, low motivation, and a lack of energy. But – good news! - you can take action to protect yourself from the doom and gloom.


While many commentators will blather on about exercise, mediation, and not going on a massive bender, here are more practical and down to earth steps that you can take:


1. Avoid dismal stories about Blue Monday. Journalists will be wheeling out their lazy stories about Blue Monday – probably the same one they used last year. You don’t have to put up with this. Buy a Sunday newspaper and make it last through Monday. Or buy your favourite magazine instead. (Remember magazines ? Those things you used to read in WH Smith and then put back on the shelf.) But definitely don’t buy a newspaper on Monday.


2. Replace that non-non-stick frying pan. Few things in life are as depressing as a worn out non-stick pan. Fried eggs that should slide out easily are welded to the black bit on the pan, and get completely banjaxed as you try to lever them off with a spatula. Spare yourself. Replace that pan today!


3. Replace scissors that don’t work. Hot on the heels of dodgy pans are blunt or loose scissors. You know, the ones that chew feebly at plastic bags or bend your fingernails over instead of cutting them. Depressing, but fixable. Fight Blue Monday with a new pair of sharp scissors.


4. Sort out tax returns. Yes, they are due at the end of January, so you’ve messed it up again for this year. Make a diary note to do your tax return in December this year, so you can avoid a dismal January next year.


Finally, remember that there is no science behind Blue Monday.


Charities have co-opted it to promote mental health awareness and self-care, so – in a brilliantly self-defeating way - it gets more publicity than is healthy.


And social media likes to pile on and amplify the whole disheartening fiasco. So you should stay off social media on Monday as well. Instead, make a diary note to cut your fingernails with your new scissors.


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