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President Biden has said that an invasion of Cornwall by Wales could happen at 'any moment', and added that the US was ready to respond 'with a very angry email' should an invasion occur.
Cornwall has itself responded angrily to the suggestion, suggesting that the US should 'stay out of our tin mines'. Wales has also denied intending to invade Cornwall, despite a heavy build up of Welsh ramblers on the Cornish border.
Biden insists that a Cornish invasion is still 'very much possible' and that America will step in to secure Europe's pasty supply, sourcing pasties from Devon and Turkey if necessary.
In addition to a possible Welsh invasion of Cornwall, Biden has also warned that Norway could potentially invade Tierra del Fuego, 'literally any second now' and that India might start throwing eggs at Canada, 'just when no one is looking'. He has also advised that the town of Doncaster 'watch your backs, and keep an eye on Cheltenham, because those guys could just walk in, any time'.
image from pixabay
Pop entrepreneur, Simon Cowell, last night issued a defiant message to North Korean despot, Kim Jong-un, by pledging his support to the West and vowing to quell any forthcoming aggression from the rogue state by dropping a pair of his enormous, high-waisted trousers over the entire country, blocking out the light and thereby preventing them from aiming their missiles.
Speaking from his home in Palm Springs, Cowell 107, told reporters: “I’ve had just about enough of Kim Jong-un’s sabre rattling and anti-western rhetoric.
"I spoke to Cheryl Cole about it on the phone last night and she suggested dropping a pair of my ridiculously large trousers over North Korea to quell any future threat and I found myself in firm agreement with her.
"I’ve got an absolutely enormous pair in the wardrobe that make me look like an absolute, ocean-going twat and I’ve told President Biden to send round a Chinook helicopter later to pick them up”
A spokesperson for The United Nations told newsmen last night: “With the threat of a nuclear exchange growing exponentially, this offer from Mr Cowell is extremely timely.
"We hope to drop a pair of his idiotic trousers on Pyong Yang later on today. Let’s see how they like that shall we?”
This move by the UN mirrors the action taken by coalition forces during the 2nd Gulf War when an entire battalion of Saddam’s Republican Guard were smothered to death by a pair of gigantic frilly knickers donated to the war effort by BBC London radio host, Vanessa Feltz.
image pixabay/mohamed_hassan
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