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President Trump today explained that his administration was responsible for the unusual planetary alignment that allowed no less than seven planets to be visible in the sky last night.


'Would never have happened with sleepy Joe' he told assembled White House reporters. 'This is a great day for American astrologers… astroturfers… whatever the hell they are.'


He went on to say that now the planets were obeying his bidding, it was time to think about opening hotel/casino resorts on other worlds.


'We’re calling it Mars-a-Lago, it’s gonna be great, the best thing ever. You get on one of Elon’s spaceships at Cape Canaveral, and assuming it doesn’t blow up on launch - and they’re getting much better, believe me - you’re there in 7–8 months.'


Asked whether people would really want to travel so far just to visit a barren wasteland with no atmosphere, he replied, 'People go to Atlantic City, don’t they?'


'Besides, that’s based on where Mars is now. We’re gonna be bringing it much closer. And by the way, don’t believe the people who say that would mess up gravity, or whatever, that’s just a Big Science conspiracy theory. Teach the controversy.'


Picture credit: Freepik AI


Despite his recent death, President Carter is seen as the 'youth' option in comparison to Joe 'you can bury me, but you can't get rid of me' Biden. At the ripe old age of 100, Carter was still 200 years younger than Biden - who was an original signatory to the US constitution and Dolley Madison's secret lover. Biden is so old he can remember 1800s - the last time the US was at peace, slavery was still cool and cocaine was cheeky little headache remedy.




Democrats have said that their option for next primary is between the lifeless corpse of Jimmy Carter or the gormless smirk of Kamla Harris. Both have a rictus grin and are dead on arrival, but at least Carter knows how to win an election.


Biden has said he will attend Carter’s funeral, but it is unclear if Joe will buried as well. Trump of course is no spring chicken, but Biden is the original thanksgiving turkey – on so many levels.


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