.
top of page
Search
Dearest Reader,
Behold the examinations made when I came upon a shore in the North Sea and found myself on the atrocious isle of Doctor Farage.
At a natural harbour, the Doctor greeted me with a warm handshake, borrowed £10 for a taxi inland and pocketed the pack when offered a cigarette.
On route to his laboratory, Farage explained had had received stewardship of the isle from a benefactor after a long period working overseas and found himself the custodian of a vast array of animal/human hybrids as well as a permanent seat on Question Time.
As we drove, I observed these poor demented creatures. Goose stepping Scots with black fur and pea brains. A large obnoxious Gallocat licking its taint in the sun. There were unions of swine and men, cat women and Quentin Blake illustrations, that I later realised was Jacob Rees Mogg. Pastafarianism was given form in half pasta, half meatball walking beasts. A tiny FishiRishi swam listlessly around in an ever decreasing puddle, perhaps sensing its imminent demise.
The Doctor offered me one of my own cigarettes and pointed out his prized BraverBird that squawked and gestured east towards Africa. We then arrived at the nearest Wetherspoons and a received an applause of hand, hoof and flipper on entry.
Flee! I tell you as I write these words, flee less he have pint of bitter with you all!
Image: Newsbiscuit
1962: Thaw in East-West relations as Kennedy and Khrushchev bond over amazing 'Cuban Missile Armageddon' video game.
1966: Referee Neville Chamberlain disallows Geoff Hurst goal against Germany for sake of 'peace in our time'.
1966: Colour television introduced. Couch potatoes discover existence of red, green, blue.
1967: Six-Day War. Israeli soldiers go on strike for five-day wars.
1967: Summer of love and drugs. Mary Whitehouse warns latest Cliff Richard song 'written under influence of Nurofen'.
1969: Festival of Drugs, Mud and STDs a surprise success when rebranded as 'Woodstock'.
1969: 'One giant f*ckup for mankind', says Neil Armstrong as he lands on Mars by mistake.
1973: Queues of panicking customers form outside sex shops as baby-oil crisis kicks in.
1973: 'Britannia caduca est!' wails four-year-old Jacob Rees-Mogg on hearing Britain has joined EEC.
1977: King of Rock and Roll hires 300-pound Elvis impersonator to die and be buried in his place.
Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay
bottom of page