A top producer working on popular ‘stab in the back’ mainstream entertainment show has sensationally quit the programme and joined ITV. He left unannounced 24 hours after signing a new contract with the BBC to continue working on the show ‘forever.’ He reportedly signed the contract in blood and wept emotionally. Medical lawyers are now working on lab tests to establish whose blood it was, with observers said to believe it was his sleeping wife’s.
According to colleagues, the producer has a history of erratic fealty. A best friend at school said his school years were ruined when the supposed buddy exited the school gates with his arms round the bully who had tormented him for 5 years. ‘My ‘friend’ just winked and said, ‘Thanks for all that pocket money.’ To this day I still have trouble trusting pocket money’
The producer’s first wife also relayed stories of treachery. ‘He married me on the anniversary of the Molotov-Ribbentrop pact. That always stuck with me.’ She said he then filed for divorce on the anniversary of Lord Haw Haw’s first broadcast from Berlin. Finally, she blames herself. ‘I should have known not to marry a man called Salvatore Tessio.’
Like horror movie The Exorcist, which was hit with a raft of supernatural incidents during filming, The Traitors has, in like manner, suffered all kinds of personal cheating events. A general lack of trust pervades the sets and staff refuse to give up personal information, including their eye colour. ‘Everyone wears lenses which change colour at random in case the tea ladies are using facial recognition software to empty our middle class bank accounts.’ We contacted a BBC representative for comment and he is now in a relationship with my partner.
