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In the wake of fears that Iran might be about to take drastic action against Israel, British Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer has been deputised to phone Iranian President Masoud Pezeshkian.
It’s understood Starmer doesn’t really have any compelling arguments to employ, it’s just hoped he will put his opposite number to sleep before Pezeshkian does anything rash.
'At a time like this, it’s vital that all parties involved act with cool heads, resolving their differences via negotiation rather than conflict' Starmer told a room full of journalists in a soft soothing voice. 'I hope that Britain and Iran will continue to enjoy warm and cordial relations, strengthening our long-standing bonds of friendship. I hope that you are feeling very sleepy and I hope that Iran forget that time in 1953 when we overthrew their democratically elected government to protect our oil interests. It's fine. It's probably fine.'
He was about to embark on a second paragraph when one of his aides noticed that the last journalist was asleep, and said 'Right, we’re ready, get the Shah of Persia on the phone - I fancy a lamb shashlik.'
Image: Maklay62 - Pixabay
'The amount of pain caused is overwhelming.'
So says a top team of international lawyers who have seen evidence of suffering caused to millions of people. 'We have no option but to seek arrest warrants for Mrs Brown's Boys for crimes against hilarity.
'We're also looking for other horrors with no place in modern society and which should've been consigned to the 1970s. Space hoppers, probably. Although we're not sure about SodaStreams. We'd like to try one out first before we make our decision.
'If we have any success with this, we'll let you know by subtly rebranding our name to the International Criminal Caught.'
Image: Neramitevent - Pixabay
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