It is thought that Israel is specifically attacking Hezbollah from the 1980s. One Mossad agent confirmed: 'If we go back in time, we can kill our enemies before they are even born. We got the idea from an episode of Quantum Leap.'
Citizens of Lebanon have been warned that their floppy discs could be poisoned and that their VHS machine could be packed with explosives. A Minister advised: 'Throw away your Sony Walkman. Not because it is dangerous, but because you look stupid. It's 2024, ffs!'
With thousands injured in the attacks, academics in the area are nervously packing away their overhead projectors. Wannabee rappers are discarding their boomboxes. Said one teenager: 'If I knew they were attacking old tech, I'd have never invested in the latest iTypewriter.'
Picture credit: Wix AI
