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Conflict in Israel ground to a halt, after at least thirteen social media accounts added a flag to their biography. This follows a similar success in ending the Ukraine war, with a sad face emoji followed by an eggplant.
Said one online warrior: 'Yeah I could've sent aide, volunteered or researched what the conflict was about, but I felt it was more appropriate to post emojis of popcorn and guns, with the East German flag - I couldn't find the right one - followed by hashtag 'awks'.'
Amnesty International has confirmed that the death toll would have been much lower if people had used TikTok. 'In these situations civilians don't need help, they need large flags projected onto buildings. Only then will we find peace, smiley face, smiley face.'
'Why don't they just chill out?' asked pub bore Gary Grimthwaite.
Drinking alone, Grimthwaite continued pontificating 'I'm allowed to see my kids on alternate weekends - my ex said I worshipped Jeremy Clarkson more than her. Why don't they try that, but for the holy sites of Jerusalem?'
'A century of bitterness and betrayal? I could sort this out in an hour - two hours tops. I'd be home in time for a Top Gear repeat where I mouth along with Jeremy's bon mots. International diplomacy is really missing the input of someone like me.'
'As a British man, drawing borders on different parts of the world brings me peace. Even when those borders bring others war. It's just what we do.'
image from pixabay
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