Man has Israel-Palestine solution that 'would definitely work'

'Why don't they just chill out?' asked pub bore Gary Grimthwaite.

Drinking alone, Grimthwaite continued pontificating 'I'm allowed to see my kids on alternate weekends - my ex said I worshipped Jeremy Clarkson more than her. Why don't they try that, but for the holy sites of Jerusalem?'

'A century of bitterness and betrayal? I could sort this out in an hour - two hours tops. I'd be home in time for a Top Gear repeat where I mouth along with Jeremy's bon mots. International diplomacy is really missing the input of someone like me.'

'As a British man, drawing borders on different parts of the world brings me peace. Even when those borders bring others war. It's just what we do.'

image from pixabay

Alan Bennett is new Israeli PM

After 15 elections in the last 6 months, Israel has a new coalition government and Benjamin Netanyahu can go directly to jail, without collecting £200.

According to a spokeswoman of no importance:

“Alan wasn’t really expecting to be elected Prime Minister of Israel. Not with his knees and Margaret’s… condition. Anyway I said to Irene, I said did you know that Edna’s grandson has got in to university. University! He’s a homosexual you know. Very modern. Irene’s other half Gerry – do you know Gerry? – he said he’d worked out a roadmap for peace including the implementation of a two-state solution. I told him to save it for bridge on Wednesday. Scone?”

Bennett will be Prime Minister until September 2023 at which point he will hand over to Patricia Routledge.