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Writer's picturedeskpilot
Jun 14

Isle of Wight also demands compensation for HS2

Updated: Jun 17



The Plaid Cymru election manifesto argues that Wales should get £4bn compensation for HS2. This is despite the fact that no houses in Wales have been knocked down, no tunnels built, and no sheep disturbed. But Plaid Cymru clearly feel that they have a case.


This has emboldened the Isle of Wight Independence Party to argue along similar lines and make rail improvements part of its platform.


Colin Card, 63, says that there is an ‘obvious’ case for investment in the railway line that runs between Ryde Pier Head and Shanklin. Colin says that a feasibility study, conducted by Norman from the model railway club, shows that the current 28 minute journey time could easily be cut to 23 minutes. The economic benefits are therefore huge, because a massive amount of productive time will be released. 'HS2 only cut 10 minutes off the journey from London to Birmingham,' says Colin, 'so our plans knock that into a cocked hat.'


Colin also says that there is also a good economic case for integrating services between Smallbrook Junction and Wootton, currently served by a heritage railway. And there is also a strong case (Norman again) for extending the existing railway from Shanklin to Ventnor, as travellers to Ventnor must currently complete their journey from Shanklin station by bus. In their wilder moments, Colin and Norman dream of a circular railway line running round the whole island. And some trains, obviously.


The islanders will be tracking the Plaid Cymru case very closely. If Wales is successful, then there should be no barrier to funding for the Isle of Wight. £4bn would be just the ticket.


eppursimuove
Feb 24

Britain’s nuclear deterrent “can only reach Isle of Wight”

Embarrassed officials at the Ministry of Defence admitted today that Britain’s nuclear deterrent can only reach as far as the Isle of Wight with any degree of accuracy. The Trident missile system, estimated to cost £180 billion over its lifetime, has recently proved inaccurate and unreliable in MOD tests.


The officials accepted this was quite a lot to spend to protect Britain from a sleepy seaside resort popular with pensioners, which is not thought to have a nuclear capability of its own. ”We did hear a rumour one pub on the island had recently installed a Space Invaders machine, but this turned out to be wishful thinking on the part of bored teenagers forced to spend their holidays there.”


However, the officials stressed they were putting in place measures to improve accuracy, and pretty soon the Channel Islands would come within the missiles’ effective range.


”So Alderney and Sark had better not get any ideas, alright? This is not some washed-up, basket-case kleptocracy you’re dealing with, where defence contracts go to frauds and wide boys so long as they’ve got mates in the government. That’s PPE you’re thinking of.”




Writer's pictureChrisF
Dec 26, 2023

Isle of Wight football Superleague 'back on the table' after EU Court ruling



A controversial planned Isle of Wight football superleague may be back on the table, after a landmark ruling by the European Court of Justice ruling this week. 


The superleague would see 10 of the Isle's biggest clubs teams break away from the local league system and form a new global elite competition, with the potential for matches between Shanklin Athletic, Ryde Albion and Cowes United to be streamed and viewed by billions around the globe on a weekly basis.


'We initially planned a superleague five years ago', said excited Ventnor Councillor with responsibility for Leisure and Sporting Activities, Len Wright.


'But we had to shelve it due to fan opposition, as well as insurmountable difficulties in arranging a fixture list which met TV requirements to stream matches to a global audience, but which also respected the fact that Sandown market takes place every Saturday and Thursday morning on one of the key municipal pitches that the football teams would play on'. 


'The ECJ ruling is really exciting, and we were able to present details of plans at our monthly 'Newport Natter' forum last night.'


'We have proposed that the winners of our league each year will go on to play in the Club World Cup, although Fifa have yet to get back to us on that', continued Wright.


'Failing that, we've pencilled in our own Global Champions Final between the top two teams to be held in Yarmouth on the second Saturday in April, just after the fossil hunting convention' .





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