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Motorcycle tourists amend their description of Iran


A couple of round-the-world tourists published a glowing account of their experience of Iran, stating that they were 'having an amazing time'.  However, they have now advised readers that there were 'one or two tiny typographical errors in our previous report.'

'Where we spoke of the 'lovely people' and of a 'lovely country', what we actually meant to say was 'The country is a dangerous, corrupt sh!t-hole and the w@nkers who live there are a load of complete c*nts.'  We regret any confusion which may have been caused by our earlier lack of clarity.'


Picture credit: Wix AI



Foreign Office guidance - “No, seriously, stop going to Iran”





The Foreign Office issued advice today saying it’s “not f*cking around” when it warns Britons not to travel to Iran.



“Honestly, we’ve only just got Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe back,” huffed spokesman Jeremy Cufflinks. “Along with some bearded guy who was actually in jail there for longer, but never made the news because he’s not a good-looking woman.



“And now another couple of idiots have got themselves arrested. God knows what we’ll have to do to get them back. Are there some other historical debts we never got round to paying?”



For their part, Craig and Lindsay Foreman denied they were being reckless in travelling to Iran in defiance of Foreign Office advice. 



“We just wanted to see the sights, meet the people, go to one of those wonderfully exotic bazaars... all those spices, so colourful!



”And obviously to pull off the Ayatollah’s turban to see if he had an orange mohican underneath - I laughed so much when Frank Drebin did that in The Naked Gun…”


Canadian-Iranian Uranium too difficult to say to be investigated, insists Boris Johnson



Boris Johnson has entangled himself in such a shady scam that former KGB oligarchs who hold bunga bunga underage sex parties for convicted presidents are distancing themselves from him.


'I wouldn't touch him with your ten-foot barge pole,' confirmed Tupolev Onatopp, a world-leading supplier of arms to despots and weapons of mass destruction to children. 'If you think you can get away with something just because you can't say it yourself, then that is somewhat shallow. Boris Johnson has trouble saying pretty much anything in his own first language, so his argument isn't going to pull the woolly mop over anyone's eyes but his own.


'Although people refer to his new organisation as Better Earth, its full official title is Better Earth For Boris Johnson. Clearly there is nothing wrong with providing Iran with uranium, but because he denies ever having met his Canadian-Iranian business partner and top chum, that just makes the whole thing a bit more suspicious. It's your classic Eton schoolboy error. And he does have form screwing things up in Iran just by opening his flappy lie hole.


'A hot young bit of totty everyone knows you installed in the UK House of Lords also being involved in your personal business dealings is the hallmark move of your committed incompetent. What's he going to do next? Gift my firstborn another life peerage to win me over? There simply aren't enough over-sized fridges in the world for this idiot to hide in.


'I did once admire his personal loyalty to filthy Russian money. But incompetence coagulates with incompetence. At least the total f*ck up that is Steve Bannon is not involved in this fiasco. What's that, Sergei? Oh. OK. Sergei says I should retract that statement.


'When you've got yourself involved in a shell company within a shell company within a shell company, all owned by undisclosed offshore entities around the world, then that's obviously a post political career payoff mechanism to launder your dirty in-office dealings. One imagines he'll be calling his old pal David Cameron for advice on how to pull out of sticky situations.'



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