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A production manager at a factory exclusively making fruit-based preserves, but where none of the equipment is working, has been criticised for his constant jam and time based promises.
After yet another serious mechanical breakdown, Mike McBride, 57, called everyone together for a briefing to let them know his hopes for production the following day.
One disgruntled worker said 'I'm sick of his empty promises. And these empty jars. And our soon-to-be empty pay packets.'
'That's a bit unfair', retorted McBride. 'Its unfortunate that our production output today has not been in line with expected targets, but if the machines get fixed, I remain hopeful of delivering some preserve-based products in the forthcoming 24-hour period.'
The criticism caps a difficult few months for McBride who lost his last job as a manager in factory making meat products wrapped in pastry for airlines. His production targets were dismissed as 'pie in the sky'.
As wildcat government inaction brings much of the UK to a standstill, Tory barons have threatened to coordinate incompetence and corruption until their demands are met. Number 10 has vowed to press ahead with a controversial law that will make it illegal not to have a Conservative government.
Tory MPs who lose their seats at elections will be forced to continue working. The Labour benches will be filled by agency staff until shadow ministers agree to stop working too. The government will ensure a minimum level of incompetence by making it harder for the electorate to take action.
Speaking at a picket line outside Parliament, a Tory Donor who owns Conservatives everywhere said:
‘Enough is enough! My members haven’t had a pay cut since 1066, and we’re not about to have one now. We will refuse to stop screwing this country until the electorate agrees to get round the table and gives us what we want.’
Mick Lynch has not commented since he was bundled into a van at midnight.
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