top of page

Flights have been cancelled across Southern Europe as aviation staff undertake industrial action. That has meant continental Europeans being forced to share seating areas, toilets, and feelings of impatience with angry and sometimes sober British holidaymakers.


'Usually we only see them as we pass the terminal Wetherspoons,' said one Parisian en route to Prague to view a church ceiling. 'But this time we had to share contiguous spaces in real time.'


'Our children were crying,' reported a Latvian taking his family on a wild seed hunt in far-flung fjords. 'We have watched documentaries about British holidaymakers, but never thought we’d be forced to breathe the same bathroom air.'


It is understood that airlines usually allocate their oldest flying stock to ferry the animal-like Brits from Luton to Alicante, but the strikes have led to last-minute changes in logistical operations and the possibility of people from Huddersfield occupying planes unlikely to crash.


'If I’d known we would have been surrounded by people from the United Kingdom, I’d have taken out extra insurance,' said a cultured eye-glass polisher from Strasbourg worried that the strikes would render him late for a penny-farthing and Greek lantern exhibition in the Bay of Haribonesia.


Without tannoy instructions to board planes, Brits were seen shedding clothes and helplessly urinating where they stood. Meanwhile, males among the island tribe broke out into time-killing fights while others frustrated at the lengthy waits, and were seen demanding their human rights, free chips, and wireless lager.


Picture credit: Wix AI




Aviation experts are keenly watching new airline PissAir (formerly trading as Jettison) whose, some say, radical business strategy is that it doesn't actually fly anywhere. It simply leases clapped-out, non-airworthy aircraft which it parks air-side in odd tucked-away corners at various unpopular, cash-strapped airports.


A PissAir spokesperson commented: 'We fill the aircraft full of brain-dead drunks to whom we flog cheap (but still highly-profitable) duty-free booze until they can't drink any more, or they pass out.


'Our package holidays are highly profitable and very popular since our customers can never remember whether or not they ever actually flew anywhere, and mostly don't care.'


It's understood Ryanair CEO, Mick O'Leary, is keenly awaiting Pissair's first year of trading figures before offering his opinion on the venture.


Photo by Bornil Amin on Unsplash

bottom of page