Cheeky Italian Red now also a weather warning

Italy is currently hotter than a ghost chilli lasagne at a bunga bunga party in the fires of Mount Etna. According to many British newspapers, the extremely high temperatures throughout Italy have ‘blown the bloody doors off’ and forced young attractive women to wear skimpy outfits and temporarily get off their scooters to frolic in a fountain with their equally attractive friends.

One Italian stereotype said 'Mamma mia, we need to make this weather an offer it can’t refuse. It’s a spicy meataballa'. He gestured theatrically at an imaginary referee.

Some in the Vatican have perceived the hellish temperatures as a nudge in the ribs from God, but as a screaming child ran in the opposite direction, a sweaty priest denied this. ‘What has the Catholic Church got to feel guilty about?’

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/geralt-9301/

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Tourists flocking to Death Valley complain about lack of signage advising of the danger to health

Furious tourists who flocked to Death Valley to experience the record-breaking balmy weather have today confirmed that they will be seeking legal redress after 116 of their number collapsed with heat stroke, 5 spontaneously combusted and 2 physically melted away altogether.

Lawyers have been instructed by several parties to pursue a class action against the State of California after visitors encountered a heat blasted desert, almost completely devoid of sheltering vegetation, and a negligent lack of watering holes for such a world-famous tourist attraction.

Standing next to the enormous ‘DEATH VALLEY’ sign at the entrance to the area, deemed the hottest place on Earth, on the hottest day since records began, Billy-Bob Hillybilly of Fuquitville, Alabama, said: 'I have looked round most all a this here dirt bowl an’ I can quite honestly say they ain’t so much as a Health & Safety information sign. Nor no warning ‘bout the hazard this here place may be to a body, neither. No Sir!'

When asked whether the 10-foot wide ‘DEATH VALLEY’ sign he was standing next to might have been a clue, Mr Hillybilly retorted, 'Well Hell! I didn’t think they was talkin’ ‘bout ma death! D’yer see ma name up there? No Sir! That there sign is ambiguous at best, I’d say.'

The District Attorney for Inyo County, Thomas L Hardy, was not available for comment, but a statement from his office said: ‘Mr Hardy commiserates with the friends and families of the casualties in this incident. He confirms he had seen the vehicles going up in the Death Valley direction, but assumed they from Hollywood, filming the latest movie in the ‘Jackass’ franchise.’

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/jplenio-7645255/

More Nominative Determinism as Phoenix about to burst into flames

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