It's too darn hot for cats in heat

Everyone sitting in beer garden

Absolutely everyone has gone to the pub and is sitting in the beer garden enjoying a few pints, it has been confirmed.

The news comes despite it not actually being that warm in the evening and oh, it’s a bit nippy when the sun goes behind those clouds, isn’t it?

Nonetheless, the world and his wife is determined to enjoy a few ice cold Peronis and get a bit of sun of their collective backs after temperatures reached at least double figures today.

‘Got to celebrate the great British summer with a few cheeky jars’, chattered Mike McBride, 42, shivering in shorts and a t-shirt whilst sat outside at the Nags Head.

‘Richie here suggested we went inside at 6pm when there was a slight breeze’, continued McBride. ‘He’s such a buzz-kill.’

‘Now if you don’t mind, I’m off to order another round just as soon as a regain control of my frozen limbs’.

Photo by Ethan Hu on Unsplash

Tomatoes decide to ripen after all

Some green tomatoes which had decided on the first of September that they would remain unripe have changed their minds due to the week of warm sunshine ahead.

Spokes-tomato Graham Delight said: 'At the start of meteorological autumn we had a bit of discussion and decided throughout the vine that we’d be remaining verdurous. There was some dissent in the ranks, and I suggested that anyone desperate to be red as a Prime Minister who has cut the budget for school repairs could hang about with the bananas or avocados in the hope of being ethylene gassed into their desired tone.

'However, yesterday was so un-Autumn like that we’ve had a rethink. I myself am ripening from the inside out and expect to be a glossy scarlet hue by Wednesday. The other fruits are enjoying the brightness and by the weekend could slip into a salad or grace the top of a lasagne.'

Photo by Dan Gold on Unsplash