Picket line braziers offer pensioners 'warm spaces'

.

Get rich or die freezing

To make Liz Truss look less like a dummy missing its ventriloquist, Tories are being told to publicly abase themselves, in the spiritual successor to Operation Save Big Dog. Tory Chairman Jake Berry grasped this unpleasant nettle by publicly telling people to freeze to death or magically get a higher paying job.

55 Tufton Street think tank wanker Clementine Carruthers said ‘Only people with well paid jobs deserve to be warm in winter. Those who earn less than £50k – scum as we call them – only have themselves to blame. Bring back TB, I say.'

Oscar Oldroyd works 2 jobs on minimum wages. ‘If only I’d thought of simply earning more money, I too could be cosy. The Tories are right about everything and Liz Truss is the best.’ said Oldroyd, coughing ferociously.

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/ri-138286/

Transport for London turn down heating on buses to reduce crowding

The government has welcomed an initiative to keep "wrinklies" off the buses by turning off the heating and leaving the doors open.

'This is the kind of initiative that the country needs, enthused Minister of Transport, Grant Shapps, 'If poor people have to travel, why not make some room on the bus? Although Transport for London introduced the policy, I can reveal that the idea came from the Prime-Minister himself.'

There are also plans not stop at bus stops if the people queuing "look like scroungers".

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/jplenio-7645255/