Meghan and Harry in dispute with What 3 Words

Meghan and Harry are taking legal action against location service What 3 Words. Meghan says that the service should not allow users to identify their home in Montecito, California.

Meghan is particularly upset that the location of their house is identified by the three words useless.royal.losers

The company says that the identification words are entirely coincidental, and are generated without human intervention by a computer algorithm. It has pointed out that useless.royal.losers only identifies one three metre square area of Harry and Meghan's property. Other parts are identified by unrelated three word phrases such as james.hewitt.lovechild, smug.pointless.tossers and desperate.gormless.phonies.

Image: WixAI / Blur image online

Harry and Meghan save LA

Harry and Meghan have been handing out food to residents affected by the wildfires in Los Angeles as blazes continue to sweep across the region.

They comforted volunteers and handed out samples of Meghan’s American Riveria Orchard goodies to evacuees. Recipients were thrilled to receive individual portions of exclusive foods, including Matsutake mushroom pate, Kopi Luwak coffee, and Caciocavallo Podolico cheese. ‘These pseudo-royals know how to live it up,’ trilled one lucky recipient, ‘but to be honest, I’d have preferred a burger.’

Meghan had dressed down for the event, and was wearing a blue LA baseball cap. She was photographed speaking to a distressed celeb, telling her that she knew what it was like to have your world turned upside down and to end up with nothing.

Meghan told reporters, photographer and influencers, ‘We didn't come out here for publicity.  We came out here to help our neighbours overcome this terrible tragedy.   Would you like to try some of my Densuke watermelon?’

Picture credit: Wix AI

Prince Harry emphasizes importance of vagus nerve therapy to NATO

The Duke of Sussex has spoken of the need for the world’s foremost military alliance to look toward alternative healing therapies as it confronts revisionist states around the world. ‘As a former member of the armed forces, I know it is all too easy for senior officers to focus on weapons training and small arms drills,’ the duke intoned. ‘Tragically, vagus nerve exercises get little attention.’

The prince, unable to attend in person because wife Meghan Markle’s schedule always takes precedence, talked movingly of how he looked up diagonally as far possible to the left, held the fixed stare for 30 seconds, then did the same looking to the right.

‘We should make it the scope of our mission at the forefront of global aggression-deterrence to understand that the vagus is actually a cranial nerve that goes all the way down into your viscera. Movement in the ribcage can break up tension there and, I believe, in parts of the world where bad actors are meddling to promote discord.’

The prince’s admonitions, however, have not been met with universal accord. One attaché, speaking on condition of anonymity, questioned whether it was a good idea to ‘discourage hypervigilance in frontline troops.’ The 40-year-old quasi-royal, whose social rank seems increasingly shady, spoke on a giant screen to leaders seated around a Kubrickesque horse shoe, well-meaningly superimposing his face into relevance.

Prince Harry addresses the NATO bigwigs at a time of increasing global tension. ‘Holding the human spine in a gentle C-shape while exerting slight downward pressure on the head with either hand reduces thoughts of impending doom,’ he declared. Although Harry has stepped back from public life in recent years, this bold advancement into geopolitics is expected to further diminish his viability as anything worth keeping.

Picture credit: Wix AI