Man breaks barber shop code

A man has been barber-barred throughout the UK, following a 'serious incident' during his most recent haircut.

Naveed Nasir said 'He showed me the back of my head in the mirror and I was just wondering whether I should ask to get a little more taken off. I didn’t of course, I just said "thank you" and paid, but he saw the look on my face. He knew. I knew that he knew. He knew that I knew that he knew.'

The next thing Nasir knew, four men in stripy waistcoats, bowties and straw hats were tunefully ejecting him from the premises.

Nasir himself appeared philosophical about his ban. 'Everyone knows the rules, I’m disappointed in myself really. Perhaps I will grow a mullet or invest in some hats.'

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

FA to introduce post-match detentions for silly haircuts

The Football Association is looking into additional measures to clean up the game's image following the announcement that the Premier League could introduce 10-minute sin-bins for bad fouls, dissent and questioning the referee's parentage. Based on the punishments that they suffered at the hands of their sadistic PE teachers while they were schoolchildren, the FA's board are considering whether having an unacceptable hairstyle in the opinion of the match officials should be punishable by having to stay behind and write an essay about the inside of a ping-pong ball.

Punishing professional footballers by increasingly treating them as schoolchildren is the latest innovation by the idiots in the International Football Association Board (IFAB) who inflicted Video Assistant Referees on the game which has led to the fans' chanting, among other things, "VAR - What is it good for?". In order to justify their own existence, IFAB are also keen to extend the use of VAR to re-referee not only throw-ins, corners and free-kicks but also players' music tastes, dress sense and dance moves.

The FA are not expected to humiliate players by making them wear sports kit from the lost property box however. This is because Everton goalkeeper Jordan Pickford has already taken the orange boots that clash with the green shirt that's too big, the shorts that are too tight, and the socks that are too short.

image from pixabay

A mad Hairdo's the way forward to win elections!

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