Octopus: I'm not racist but I f£%king hate cod

Greta Thunberg has had to publically apologize for her stuffed toy and its hate-filled rants about dover sole and EU fishing quotas. However, videos have surfaced of the octopus marching with the EDL, giving eight nazi salutes.

The octopus in question has promoted mollusc-only restaurants and scrawled abusive graffiti about halibut. One anti-racist campaigner explained: 'The KKK's pointy hood was originally designed to cover octopus beaks. Remember, abusing aquatic life is a bait crime.'

Photo by Isabel Galvez on Unsplash

Andrew Tate blames Careers Advisor

The advisor explained, somewhat sheepishly: 'I was just plucking jobs out of thin air. Kickboxer, chess champion, sex trafficker, Romanian pizza delivery boy, Greta Thunberg burn victim. I was clearly having a laugh. I didn't expect him to actually... you know.'

'I sarcastically said that with his qualifications, it was either the tills at ASDA or become a reality TV star. And I told him that pyramid schemes and fetish sites were not proper jobs, unless he planned to be an MP, in which case he should embrace both with enthusiasm.'

'I said, 'Andrew, if you keep this up, you're going to become an arsehole'. And he asked 'How much does it pay?' so I said 'Maybe 10 years - or hopefully more.'

Image: Emiliano Bar (@emilianobar) | Unsplash Photo Community

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