Sunak "considering" closing stable doors

Sources close to, but taller than, the prime-minister have reported that he is considering closing the stable doors. Defence Minister, Grant Shapps, has said that an internal enquiry should be convened and it wouldn't be appropriate to comment on suggestions to close the stable doors whilst that was underway. 

"There are many options out there", said Mr Shapps, "Should we send nearby open doors to Rwanda as a deterrent to the stable doors opening? That makes sense to me. My head of department has suggested banging my head against them to check they're closed. I'm still considering that option."

A man who was kicked in the head by an escaped horse is believed to have changed his voting intentions to Tory.

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Grant Shapps himself

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Illegal Immigration Minister arrested after complaints from Legal Migration Minister

The friction between the two roles was apparent from the start and was never going to work. The Immigration Ministerial position was split in two last year and no one in power recognised the risk of introducing a pro illegal immigration role.

The foreign secretary, soon to be Grant Shapps, was appalled that a minister was able to illegally operate in such a high position and was so brazen about their nefarious activities that they actually had “illegal” in their job description. The home secretary, soon to be Grant Shapps again, has blamed Labour for not having an effective plan of dealing with this kind of problem and said it would only get worse under a Keir Starmer regime.

The Minister of defence, Grant Shapps, said that this arrest marked a success in defending Britain and showed how effective all of his policies have been in all of his roles.

The minister for common sense, soon to be Grant Shapps, said, “Well it’s just common sense innit.” And who can argue with that.

The arrested minister was taken away and forcibly shown a picture of Rwanda.

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