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It’s that’s time of year. A long list of hopefuls, mostly no hopers, lining up in a sea of colour and noise in Liverpool. No, not Eurovision, but the Grand National. Here’s newsbiscuit’s guide to the big race.
Hush Stormy Hush - a veteran of the industry and known stayer, but her form is very hard to verify. Allegedly had biggest win of career - $130,000 - in 2016. Supposedly a mount of jockey ‘Tiny’ Trump back in 2006, best known for his garish orange colours, and tendency to hog the far right rail. 69-1
Sturgeon’s Woes - thoroughbred Scottish mare, sired by Krazy Krankie, and long-standing stable mate of Salmond’s Boy. Fiercely independent horse who surprised everyone with retirement earlier this year. Ongoing Stewards Enquiry into supposed nosebag and trough infringements means she is one to avoid this time round 20-1
Graab You By The Lapels - Looking for an opportunity to break a maiden, or anyone who looks at him funny. Has form for going too hard up front and goes completely off the handle at the slightest nudge. Currently looking a little washed out in the face of a potentially career ending Stewards' Enquiry. 10-1.
Total Hunt - housewives favourite, there are sure to be a lot backing this slick stallion. Slipped up in last outing in the Westminster Budget handicap, taking a fall after misjudging a tricky hurdle called the Pension Allowance. Plenty of interest from the Berkshire non-dom set although much more style than substance. 3-1
Charlie Boy - One from the famous Windsor Stables that always seem to win no matter what, out of We Love Lizzy by Racist Ronnie. Some thought he'd never make it to the starting gates, but he has proved a stayer - surely won't fall now? Protruding ears and weight of crown may slow him down however. 3-1.
Rishi’s Millions - part of the classy Murty stable, this diminutive chaser stands at only 10 hands tall but has risen to the top. Raised some eyebrows when details of his total prize money was published earlier this year. 3 million - 1 (before and after tax).
Bojo’s Mojo - missing of late, and increasingly erratic, with distinctive scruffy mane. No real form to note since 2016, and last outing particularly unconvincing, fading quickly under pressure and when asked difficult questions. Knackers yard or third-class stud work awaits. 40-1
Call me Keith - ‘Sir Keir’, as those close to this horse like to call him, keeps promising a big run. Is furlongs ahead in training races but there are still questions over whether he can clear the biggest obstacles or whether he will become a cropper at Corbyn’s Corner again. Likely to be first past the post in 2024. 7-4 favourite
Lineker’s Legacy - made plenty of friends at most recent outing, at the Small Boats Handicap Chase. Initially disqualified for excessive use of the tweet, but reinstated on appeal. Always a crowd favourite and will inevitably feature in highlights show on Sat night. 2-1
Real Pay Cut -a regular runner at courses across the country over the last decade often featuring alongside Teachers Pet, Doctor DoItAll, Carry on Nurse and others. With Summer of Discontent could cause disruption. Has genuine claims and shouldn’t be ignored. 30 (% fall in wages) -1.
Weird Lama - A bit of a dark horse, after his last public appearance back in February, his stable have decided in future events that he'll have to wear a Tongue Strap. 80-1
Biden Your Time - American Anglo Irish bred, has been know to fall a few times, most recently in the Air Force One High Step Stakes, been training in Ireland, getting on a bit now, although connections anticipate he will still be having a go in 2024. 100-1
Hancocks Half-hour - Little-fancied rank outsider, with emphasis on the 'rank'. Unlikely to finish inside of 30 minutes, but will provide some sort of comic interlude. 125 -1
Coffey's Folly - A no-hoper. Expect her to fall at the first water hazard. 200-1
hat-tips - sirlupus roncawleyoni lockjaw benvoleo FlashArry
With the big race taking place this Saturday here's NewsBiscuit's annual guide to the no hopers and dead certs.
KeepmyWifesNameOutYoMouth - caused a genuine shock when quick out of his stall at the Hollywood Stakes a couple of weeks ago, easily beating Rock's Rib Tickler. Stewards still looking at excessive use of the hand. Form over recent years a bit erratic - particularly in Bad Boys 2. 6-1
Nothing From Rishi - disappointed millions with a poor showing in the Budget Handicap last week. Claimed to be hampered and boxed in by Lockdown Spending. Housewife's favourite a couple of years ago, but those winning performances at the Furlough Festival now seem like a distant memory. 25-1
You're my Nom Dom - stable partner of Nothing from Rishi. This thoroughbred was sired out of InfoSys. Lifetime winnings of over £400 million so far, although this falls to £399.9 million after tax. Prefers the more generous terrain of the Cayman Islands than Aintree. 5-2
Bojos Mojo - generally poorly groomed with a distinctive white mane, hasn't put in a credible performance for some time. Prefers stud work but establishing all his bloodlines has proved to be a challenge.
Let Sue Gray Do her Work - had plenty of outings earlier this year but noticeably quiet over recent weeks. Asked some questions of Bojos Mojo but seems unlikely to deliver what punters are hoping for. 10-1 (is the time one of the Downing Street Parties started - bring your own booze).
Putin's Folly - likes to try and dictate the pace - and everything else - but the best days are behind him. Recent outings in Ukraine have been ill-judged and has encountered a tougher contest than expected. Thought to be involved in doping scandals at Salisbury, amongst other places. 33-1
Sleepy Joe B - popular victor over MakeAmericaGreatAgain last year but form is now unpredictable and erratic. Often starts well but stumbles over small hurdles and looks ready for the knackers yard.
4 For Sale - fiercely independent, with many triumphs in a 40-year history, including wins at Brookside, Countdown, Big Brother and errrr…Naked Attraction. Current trainer Nadine Dorries says the horse needs to now compete in a different class, but insiders say sell-off may be revenge for news coverage that is often straight from the horse's mouth and critical of the government. 15-1 is another (old) favourite
P and O Shitshow - outcry recently after owners tried to replace jockey with a cheaper agency rider citing high labour costs in UK. Unrepentant in stewards committee and owners have said they would put the horse in a glue factory tomorrow if the price was right. 50-1. Avoid.
Kwasi's Kopout - trainer says this late entry is full of energy, but talk that he can run like the wind looks likely to be just hot air. Looks like he needs some TLC, but the stable won't even pay for a blanket in his stall. Likes the going wet to radioactive. 25/1
Foo Fighter - withdrawn owing to unforeseen circumstances.
Partygate - much prefers a mid-week run out after feeling a tad woozy following Wine Fridays. Subject of multiple steward's enquiries. Likely to break all the rules during the race and will deny everything in the paddock. 47,000/1
Contributions from Sir Lupus and O'Shaughnessy
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