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Like a stuck record, Rishi Sunak today repeated his latest mantra that the Tories need to ‘stick with the plan’ when faced with impending electoral oblivion.
When pressed on what exactly the ‘plan’ was, the Conservative Government boldly pointed to their 'five point plan' and key achievements:
1 - Leaving almost everyone poorer than they were when the Tories came to power.
2 - Destroying Britain's post-war relationship with Europe and introducing extra tariffs, costs and travel disruption for no reason at all, other than not liking Johnny Foreigner.
3 - Sowing needless discord and division with confected race wars, because we think there might be some votes in racist bigotry.
4 - Undermining the National Health Service to the point of collapse, because we just don’t like ‘socialist’ ideas like free health care for all.
5 - Leaving housing unaffordable for everyone but the very wealthiest Tory donors.
A spokesman went on to boast:
‘When you look at these metrics, there is no question that the Tories have outperformed expectations over the past 14 years. We really have made exceptional progress in destroying the economic and social fabric of the country. But that is not all – oh no, we are now planning to take our plan much further. The Prime Minister is full of bold and innovative ideas for the future, liking making everyone learn maths until they are 65 and making it compulsory to wear trousers that are far too short, so then everyone can look like a gormless dork – not just the PM .’
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