Updated: Apr 2, 2023
A leaked government report has revealed that teachers are massively overworked, which is objectively funny for anyone who has been in detention. It now transpires that the only ones doing homework are the staff themselves. Said one bemused geography teacher: 'If you add one working week and subtract holiday, but multiple the remainder by all the marking I do. The answer is I'm f$cked.' Teacher have complained that there are not enough hours in the day, which is just bad maths on their part.
The government has denied it has allowed inflation to rise. 'The cause of inflation is clearly inflation, and we're not responsible for that,' said a government spokesperson. 'If there wasn't any inflation, it wouldn't cause any inflation and we'd have zero inflation, or less,' he added.
A minister accused the public for the inflation. 'They've been paying inflated prices for food and drink, that's the reason inflation has gone up. We haven't - in the House of Commons cooked meals have never been cheaper, and in the bar the booze is dirt cheap, whereas greedy poor people insist on using food banks stocked with inflated price foodstuffs and buying meths from Tesco. Ergo the poor are driving up inflation and it looks like it's only the government trying to keep it down,' he said while sipping a vintage wine in the Strangers Bar at a quarter of the normal retail price.
