UK doesn't need to check Boeing aircraft, gloats Government, citing Brexit

Following the unscheduled depressurisation of an Alaskan Airlines flight in the US, followed by a chunk of the fuselage falling away after landing, the Federal Aviation Authority has grounded all affected aircraft in the US for inspections.  The European regulator, EASA, has followed suit, advising affected operators to check the aircraft for similar problems.

The UK Government has dismissed the need to do the checks.  'This is the Brexit bonus we've been talking about.  While European passengers are hanging around waiting for lazy European engineers to do their checks, UK passengers don't have to.  They can fly anytime they feel like it, without being dictated to by some anonymous EU organisation,' a government spokesman said.

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Govt to make BBC an offer it can't refuse

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New online surveillance measures leading to rise of the "porn hipster"

With the Government announcing new measures against internet pornography, such as face recognition, the rise of the porn hipster is being seen as a booming subculture. The ubiquity and sheer volume of web porn is now being shunned for items such as magazines, VHS tapes and CD-ROMs.

"I like a bit of porn as much as the next person, " said John Smith (a false name), "but the measures the Government are introducing are draconian and quite frankly driving us underground to more analogue sources."

Mr Smith took us into a room in his house which contained rows upon rows of, his words, "Jazz Mags" and "Mucky Videos".

"We've seen people come back to vinyl in their droves and this is a similar trend. Ebay is teeming with your Mayfairs, your Fiestas, your Penthouses etc. I saw a first edition continental Privat from the 80s go for £600 last week. Basically, we're seeing the rise of the artisanal wank mag."

Mr Smith showed us around some of the material in his room, some of which was quite eye catching. He had even brought his teenage years "wanking chariot" lazyboy chair out of retirement, much to praise of his online friends.

"Taking that old thing for a spin with a March 1984 Reader's Wives was like going back in time", he told us as he asked us to leave as he 'had something to attend to'.

Image: pixabay/InspiredImages