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A cross party select committee has reluctantly concluded that Taylor Swift hasn't been awarded a multi-billion pound contract to supply the government with faulty goods, that there is zero evidence that she has been offered let alone accepted a plum job advising the government on how to privatise the NHS to her benefit, nor is there any reason to believe HOLAC, the House of Lords Appointments Commission has had any reason to accept or reject a peerage nomination for Ms Swift despite her being far more relevant than, say, Charlotte Owen.
The select committee spokesperson says they have been trying very, very hard to support the outrage being fuelled by mainstream media but deny their diligence is directly proportional to the fact that they comprise the sum total of MPs who didn't get offered tickets.
Rumours about the autumn budget continue to swirl around, each one madder than the one before. It’s hard to figure out what’s what. Here’s the latest from the rumour mill.
Commentators, by which we mean people who leak stuff to us, are now suggesting that the budget could include an additional tax allowance for heathy people.
Governments have always been reluctant to bring in a fat tax, because taxing food is a slightly tricky move. Actually, lots of food is already taxed. Cakes, chocolate, fizzy drinks are all subject to VAT, for example, whereas turnips, sprouts and offal aren’t. Basically, VAT is charged on anything that is nice to eat.
The new tax break, provisionally called a wellness allowance, will allow any taxpayer with a BMI in the normal range to reduce their income tax bill. If they send in a doctor’s certificate confirming their BMI, then the HMRC will grant the new allowance for the current tax year.
A spokesman said, ‘The wellness allowance is not a fat tax, it’s a benefit that is available to people who look after their weight. It’s not a sugar tax, or a meat tax, or a pasty tax, or a carpet tax, or any other nonsense. It’s a wellness benefit. This is positive reinforcement for good behaviour and will help to reduce the burden on the NHS. I don't want to read anything about the Nanny State when you write this up.
‘People will naturally worry about the cost of this benefit, against the backdrop of a £40bn tax raid this year. Let me reassure you that the paperwork involved, and difficulty of getting a GP appointment, will mean that almost nobody will be able to claim the allowance. If anyone manage to claim it for one year, they probably won’t bother again for the next year. So the government will get the credit for doing a Good Thing at minimal cost. It’s genius.’
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