"I'd been looking forward to watching Hunt getting his comeuppance for months", said a disconsolate Ivy Jenkins from Clacton, "Up until June, I'd been picturing Boris Johnson's baffled face as he gets booted out, now he's resigned and Hunt's on his way out I'm reduced to looking forward to watching Rees-Mogg's Nanny drying his eyes."
‘It’s just good capacity planning’, Jeff Rogers told us. Jeff is the Manager at Westminster JobCentre.
‘We’re expecting an extra 300 unemployed people with receding chins the day after the General Election. I’m hoping they’ll register in their own constituencies but some of them spend all their time down here, doing coke and shagging. If you’ve ever seen Shameless, think of that but with suits.
‘The last possible date for a General Election would be 28th January 2025’ he continued. ‘Just as brides set their wedding date to avoid being on the blob, prime ministers are allowed to call an earlier election date to coincide with a period of economic stability or general national confidence. So January 28th it is’, he declared. ‘I’m booking that week off’.
image from pixabay
Updated: Sep 26, 2023
The prime-minister, Rishi Sunak, is believed to be working with senior party officials to try and find the "sweet spot" date which will ensure a massive loss.
Ministers have privately confirmed the story and explained that it was "force of habit".
One ex-minister, who wished to remain anonymous but ticked the wrong box and is actually Chris Grayling, explained; "He's on a bit of a roll; as everything he's done has turned out to be a disaster, he's assuming that's what he does now. He's created an inner cabinet of very unlucky people; Ron Jenkins, who's house burnt down in the same week as his wife left him and then she won the lottery. Russell Brand's agent, Nigel Farage's bank manager, the head of the Ukrainian tourism board and the guy behind Betamax. "
One possible date is the 30th February.
