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An avowed atheist has been duped for the 1561st day in a row by the religious component of Radio 4's short 'Thought for the Day', it has been confirmed.
'I started listening to this piece at 745am on GCSE results', said Mike McBride, 46. 'It was a really interesting commentary from Professor Miriam Da Costa of the Ethics Department of University College London, who pointed out that attainment levels had ebbed and flowed over the last 20 years, particularly during the pandemic'.
'It highlighted some interesting differences in achievement for boys and girls, and for people living in different regions of the UK, and that for young people this was such an important day, when they are feeling judged, I thought, yeh, this is decent analysis, fair play Prof Da Costa.', continued McBride.
'And then there it was, boom, completely out of nowhere', said an angry McBride. 'She pointed out that we all have our ups and downs, and that GCSE results are perhaps a metaphor for life, with that constant feeling of being measured, evaluated, and ultimately, isn't it a higher being who makes the final judgement on whether we have 'made the grade' through our earthly endeavours?'
McBride admitted that he had been similarly duped every single day for the last 5 years, by pieces starting seemingly innocently but then slotting in a cheeky faith-based message.
'Joe Biden stepping down as US President, a bird singing in the dawn chorus, Leicester winning the Premier league against all the odds, and some sodding athlete slipping off the end of the 10m high-dive board in the Olympics', listed McBride. 'They always end in exactly the same way. God moves in mysterious ways.'
'Mr McBride is - perhaps rightly - a little annoyed at the feeling of having the wool pulled over his eyes by this radio segment', noted Reverend Peter Jones, a regular presenter of Thought for The Day. 'And don't we all just need an outlet sometimes to vent that frustration at the world.'
'Even Jesus himself reverted to overthrowing over the tables in a temple one time when he was annoyed. The temple was, if you like, the Roman equivalent of the occasionally amusing satirical website that Mr McBride is writing in, although perhaps funnier at times.....oh, who am I trying to kid.....'.
Photo by Jonathan Velasquez on Unsplash
Following the successful completion of a previously lost section to Rembrandt's 'Night Watch', where the computer has added images of a man standing, a boy running and a drunken painter mooning, the technology has been deployed to help GCSE students in Art get a decent grade.
'The economy is highly dependent on young adults being able to crayon effectively, particularly between the lines, and this software will help them do just that,' said an AI expert today. Brandon Hedges, 16, is notably enthusiastic when actually awake. 'I couldn't get a decent grade in art thanks to lockdown,' he insisted, although his art teacher Mr Marples disagrees. 'Hedges is a lazy bastard who can't hold a crayon the right way up, but at least the software saves me from predicting a bare pass for the useless prat,' he said between supping pints of stout in the staff room. 'I'm not allowed to predict a fail, apparently. It has to be a grade. Fail is definitely a grade,' he added.
Brandon's final submission titled 'a line I drew' was originally a line in red crayon delivered diagonally across a sheet of lined A4 paper. The modified AI version shows an intricate scene where Brandon is running and his art teacher is mooning through a window. The AI creator admitted that the software does have a limited imagination. 'Just like all sixteen year old art students,' he said.
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