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A large majority of the the USA Bridge Association has been troubled over a search to replace the word trumps.
'Obviously the concept of trumps is critical to the game of bridge,' said spokesman Ace High, 'but since the last presidential election, this word has begun to stick in the throats of so many of our members. If you think about it, the lowest trump card beats the highest of the other three suits, pretty galling as a political metaphor these days. So this has led to a rash of wildly overbidding no trumps. We need an acceptable word to replace trumps, and farts is not acceptable.'
'On the other hand there is also a movement in favour of finding a replacement name for the present POTUS, with IMPOTUS taking an early lead. Since then others like Orange Man Baby, Fat Fart, Mr T, Prink with no balls, and Moscow Donny have been gaining support.
Elsewhere, Melania Trump has recently got a Queen of Spades tattoo.
The members of Keir Starmer’s cabinet have devised their own political version of Snog, Marry, Avoid. It's called Pay Off, Nationalise, Ignore and it helps them to manage scarce resources and to prioritise where to put the effort in. However, Sir Keir has sworn his cabinet members to secrecy and told them that this method of decision-making must never become public.
An insider, speaking off the record, suggested considering the challenges posed by water companies, teachers, and rail drivers. By discussing these using the Pay Off, Nationalise, Ignore criteria, the issues can be solved fairly easily. Pay the teachers, nationalise water and ignore the train drivers.
 The next test is rail companies, Harland and Wolff, and doctors. You’ve probably solved that one too. Pay off doctors, nationalise railways and ignore Harland and Wolff.
Each Department is being encouraged to review its challenges using the game. For example, in defence the three challenges are NATO, troop numbers and procurement. These are easily fixed by paying off NATO, nationalising procurement and ignoring troop numbers.
The methodology can even be applied to Labour Party members. For example, consider the challenges of Tony Blair, Diane Abbott and Jeremy Corbyn. This conundrum is easily solved by paying off Tony Blair, ignoring Diane Abbott and ignoring Jeremy Corbyn. OK. That one doesn’t quite work, but you get the idea. Maybe a better answer is snog Tony Blair, marry Diane Abbott and avoid Jeremy Corbyn...
Image credit: Wix AI
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