The NHS is the closest thing the English have to a religion

EastEnders - the opera

The English National Opera's flagship show for 2025 will be 'EastEnders - The Opera'.

The ENO is responding to criticism that opera is too poncey, and isn't accessible to red wall voters. The new show will be sung in English, or a version of it. 'It will be just as screechy as traditional operas, but 'Stenders fans know to expect that,' said a spokesman. 'It's not dumbing down, it's being more relatable.'

'We hope that this exciting and innovative new show will attract a new generation of opera goers. The storyline will include drinks, drugs, affairs, gays, violence, death, incest and necrophilia - just like traditional opera.'

The performance will also include more audience participation (oh yes it will).   Traditionalists will need to steel themselves for rowdy singalongs and possibly for a spot of fighting in the stalls.   Audiences will be reminded to show their appreciation at the end by throwing flowers and not bottles.

The ENO hopes that the show can pave the way to restoring its arts council funding, which was slashed in 2023, as the new show will be even more expensive than a traditional opera. Leading singers from overseas will require dialogue coaches and Albert Square will be recreated on stage down to the finest detail. The famous cockney Dick Van Dyke will take a cameo role in some performances.

Regional arts bodies have criticised the plan.  They say that performances in cockney will be just as impenetrable as Italian, German or French to audiences outside Italy, Germany and France.  They argue that art council funding should support operas in Scouse, Cornish, Geordie and Brummie instead.

Picture credit: Wix AI

Trump asks Federal Court to delay election until he can afford to fight

Republican Presidential Candidate, Donald Trump, today asked a Federal Court to delay the Presidential Election until he can afford to raise funds for a viable campaign.

His lawyers say he cannot find a private company to guarantee the $464m (£365m) he has been ordered to pay in a New York civil fraud case.

If he pays the money by liquidating assets, he will incur large penalties, leaving him without enough funds to successfully fight the upcoming election, say his lawyers.

The former president must either pay the full amount in cash or secure a bond in order to continue his bid to be President.

Mr Trump's lawyers said on Monday that securing a bond of that size was a "practical impossibility".

'It is every citizen's right to be able to fund a billion-dollar campaign,' said his lawyers. 'This is a cornerstone of US democracy.'