Mimes join French rioters with silent protest

Wracked by civil disorder, France has seen street artists take to the streets - but without human statues, who no one likes. Leading the fight were mime artists, using sad white faces and a fake flowers for squirting petrol bombs.

Dishing out the silent treatment, hordes of Mimes were inked by one very long invisable rope. They made their demands known through a series of elaborate hand gestures.

The Mimes were unintimidated by the threat of prison, knowing they could break out of any imaginary box. Asked to comment, one mime said: '!'

image from pixabay

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Fears grow that migrants may be able to raft to Britain on a torrent of French @rse sweat

EDL spokes-wazzock, Andy Notherthing, has voiced concerns from across the bigot community.

'I have a mate who knows someone who can read, and he says he saw this article on Wikipedia that reckons sweat is lighter than saltwater. Everyone knows that French swelter like a glassblower's arse - even in winter. But, what with this long hot spell, sweat will be gushing down their rivers to the coast like a reverse Severn Bore.

'Your crafty migrant could probably surf their way across the channel on waves of French perspiration. Our navy should be firing depth charges filled with Lynx into the English Channel'.

Everyone relieved ‘Macron’ isn’t somehow French for ‘le Sword’

Emmanuel Macron, star of such erotic films as Emmanuelle, Emmanuelle The Joys of a Woman, Goodbye Emmanuelle, Emmanuelle 4, 5, 6 and 7, has been re-elected President of France. As a re-elected President, Macron may now style himself as 'Le Grande Fromage'.

His opponent was Marine Le Pen and there was general relief among non-racists everywhere that Le Pen proved not to be mightier than anything. She did remember to hide her racist light under a racist bushel for most of her campaign, with slogans such as 'I'm not racist (wink)', 'OK fine, I’m not as racist (as my dad)' and 'Let’s paint the Eiffel Tower white'. A spokesman for Le Pen said ‘France for the French – oh, how did that suitcase full of rubles get there? I guess we’ll never know.’