top of page
Search

Take down the swastikas from the Olympic stadium," says organiser. "Le Pen's not in power."



"It turns out that National Rally didn't get the majority in the National Assembly that it was confidently expecting, so it's back to our original plans," a visibly relieved Albert de la Speer told fellow organisers of Paris 2024 at a staff meeting on Monday morning. 


"That means we can send back to the makers all the 600 blood-red flags with swastikas on them which Marine von Pen was making us drape around the Olympic stadium, and also the iron crosses with oak leaf clusters which she was planning to hand out to French gold medallists.


"We no longer need to create new Olympic events that France would be odds-on to win, like snail racing and the amphibian high jump.


"And the opening ceremony, which will comprise all the competitors sailing down the Seine in barges, should no longer feature France's Artillery Corps lobbing mortars onto a raft at the rear packed with asylum seekers.


"However, because the leftist New Popular Front is now the largest political group in parliament and is calling all the shots, we now have to build barricades in the streets of Paris, pelt the gendarmerie with cobblestones, overthrow the Fifth Republic and round up all elements of the haute bourgeoisie for trial and execution in the Stade de France.


"All in the Olympic spirit, mind you!"




UK excited to get their own Marine Le Pen in 4 years




For the next UK government, the plan is to be as condesending and smug as they can, while offering bugger-all and enabling the far-right. It is a tricky balancing act between middle management, the Weimar Republic and punching yourself in the face.


This long term goal involves sneering at kindness, talking about 'tough choices' and using war as an aphrodisiac. By that point people will be so desperate that they will vote for anyone, even Hitler McHitlerFace or James Corden.


France has not so much lurched to the right, they have conga-lined towards it. With the neo-liberal consensus being that if you bang the anti-immigrant drum long enough, an actual Fascist will pick up the drum and say 'Oooo nice drum. Mind if I have a go?'. A Shadow Minister denied they would open the door to No.10 for the far-right: 'Why would we, when we've already had a spare set of keys cut for them.'


bottom of page