Uniliver to discontinue making Marmite with peanut butter spread

So too too fraffly awful

Angela Rayner eats breakfast, is condemned by Conservatives

A condition called 'Rayner-rage' is turning Conservatives and the right-wing press a crimson colour with impotent fury. It is, however, more existential than policy-based.

One morning, Angela Rayner’s alarm clock woke her up. She had a bagel and coffee for breakfast, then had a shower.

Conservative commentator Clementine Carruthers conspired, 'Her alarm clock probably isn't even John Lewis - typical lefty Britain-hater. That bagel proves that Labour is still antisemitic and that she is personally instituting Sharia law throughout England.  Her coffee probably cost £50, the champagne socialist. What's wrong with a British cup of tea? We're rejoining the EU by the back door! And unless she's showering with Keir Starmer, there must be huge disagreements already and she's being sidelined.'

Carruthers bought - and then ate - a copy of the Daily Mail comments section, before exploding.

Picture credit: Wix AI