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Manchester City have been fined over 0.015 percent of their annual turnover for failing to control their players, all of whom earn more than that amount every week. City somehow kept a straight face when announcing that they accept the pitiful punishment and denied that they will pay up using actual peanuts.
The incident that led to the fine saw the entire team surround the referee and behave like enraged wives whose husbands had forgotten to put the bins out.
Similar behaviour by footballers who play for other Premier League clubs have been punished with sendings off and lengthy bans for the offending players. However, Man City’s owners claim to be supportive of a sympathetic approach to breaking the rules, and are not at all in favour of repressive regimes that practice torture or impose punitive prison sentences for example.
Under plans drawn up by Bridgewater Town Council, motorists leaving their cars half way up a hedge will face a fine of up to £100. It is currently not an offence to leave your car sticking out of the Hawthorn or Privet in most areas of England although it is frowned upon in parts of Surbiton.
A spokesman for the council said that hedge parking was becoming an increasing nuisance in rural areas. “These motorists don’t understand the damage they cause to nesting birds and the possibility of livestock escaping.” Anyone swerving down a narrow lane after ten pints of Sui Cider is encouraged to up-end their car in a ditch rather than plough through the hedge.
Car owners in areas of high flood risk are expected to be exempt from the plans.
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