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Despite being only six games into the season, Man City have opened up an impressive gap between themselves and the other cheats. Even on court cases, for and against, Man City are set to win the league...and then get relegated four divisions, for breaking fair-play rules.


Using their formation of three at the back and eight in tax havens, the team have outplayed everyone when it comes to being sketchy. Their fluid grasp of accountancy and free-flowing use of bungs, has mesmerised HMRC.


115 hearings ahead, Man City are guaranteed to get into Europe via a Swiss bank account, and then on to the Cayman Islands. The Premiership warned: 'The only penalties awarded this season will be financial.'


Picture credit: Wix AI


The government has taken the decision to open their Pandora's Box of Greed again, and let Satan's little helpers run riot. Said one starving child: 'They've been struggling to get by on shop brand champagne. I don't know how they coped.'


Left to their own devices bankers have all the self-control of a fox in a KFC. One bemused homeless individual quipped. 'You mean those multi-million pound contracts, were them showing restraint?!?'


An economist explained: 'It's all part of the financial cycle. Bonuses, followed by the collapse of civilization. We bail them out. Then we give them a bonus to try again. It's complicated. Not everyone gets it. I could show you diagrammatically, but it would just be a picture of you being repeatedly rogered with a bollard.'


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