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Traders brand pound a "sick disgrace" as it falls to an all-time low



Britain's pound fell to what currency traders said was an "all-time low" yesterday evening when it turned up drunk to a party and started touching up its cousin, the Swedish krona.


"Sterling's been on a downward spiral for some time now, and it's been pretty sick," said one foreign exchange dealer, staring at his screens with an icky look on his face. "But it just hit rock bottom.


"Our currency is a disgrace, and I will never spend quids again," said the trader, primly. "Except on cocaine and strippers, of course."



Another massive compo payout for the ill-informed and easily manipulated


In a further blow for all the people who read the small print, they will miss out yet again on free money.


The otherwise pristine reputation of car salesman has been tarnished by a court judgement on car finance 'secret' commission payments. Anyone who meticulously sourced their own finance and didn’t just nod and sign when buying a car may miss out on a wad of compensation spondoolicks.


Reading a carefully worded statement, a representative of all the people who are cautious and diligent when undertaking large financial transactions said: 'Dammit, not again!'


The PPI scandal (Payment Protection Insurance), not the PPE scandal (Personal Protective Equipment), was a massive score for anyone who didn't decline the blatant needless extra costs that were greedily added by banks. Compensation for PPI mis-selling was a major act of justice that prevented banks from committing fraud for several weeks.


Although not as complicated as another classic bank mis-selling technique known as the Interest Rate Swap switcheroo, which at least made the effort of being deliberately confusing, this cheeky manoeuvre on car finance was as basic as just hiding the commission details.


A nodding fool exclaimed, 'Yes Boieee! I am a financial genius and will learn nothing!'


Photo by Stockcake: chequebook-illustration-art_557595_195734


Man City lead Premiership on hearings

Despite being only six games into the season, Man City have opened up an impressive gap between themselves and the other cheats. Even on court cases, for and against, Man City are set to win the league...and then get relegated four divisions, for breaking fair-play rules.


Using their formation of three at the back and eight in tax havens, the team have outplayed everyone when it comes to being sketchy. Their fluid grasp of accountancy and free-flowing use of bungs, has mesmerised HMRC.


115 hearings ahead, Man City are guaranteed to get into Europe via a Swiss bank account, and then on to the Cayman Islands. The Premiership warned: 'The only penalties awarded this season will be financial.'


Picture credit: Wix AI

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