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One of the worst-kept entertainment secrets has now been revealed. Netflix have commissioned a brand new series of the legendary 1970s sitcom. It is also confirmed that Emma Thompson has been appointed as Executive Director / Producer. At a media briefing she gushed:-
“On The Buses, (or OTB as us thesps call it!) was the drama series that inspired me to become an actress, and has formed the backdrop to my life, relationships and work ever since.
I have already approached my dear friend Salmy – Salman Rushdie of course – to write the scripts. He was a bit concerned that he has not written comic material before but I assured him that that never bothered the original writers.
My dear dear friend Stephen Fry has absolutely insisted that he has the part of the driver Stan Butler. He will of course bring the acumen and gravitas to the role that Reg Varney sometimes struggled to deliver. And as soon as the rumours circulated that this classic was in the pipeline, my phone didn’t stop ringing! I answered an early call and a voice screamed down the phone ‘I hate you Butler!’ I recognised it immediately - it was of course my dear dear dear friend Hugh Grant!! He was born to play the part of Blakey!!!”
Miss Thompson continued “we will of course ensure that the plots are brought bang up to date and reflect the 21st century. We now see Olive as a sexy, attractive, politically-savvy, intelligent, independent, compassionate and caring character. We haven’t cast the role yet but watch this space!” At this point reporters noted Miss Thompson simpering coyly.
Miss Thompson concluded “Netflix are already aware that cinema spin-offs of the series were amongst the top-grossing films of the 1970s. They have asked me to sketch out a full-length feature – working title ‘Transgender Strategies and Seating Arrangements On The Buses’”.
Pinewood Studios say they are in talks with former Tory MP Neil Parish over his script for a new Carry On film.
Rank Organisation say they have already signed a deal with Parish and filming for the comic caper should get underway later this year at the Buckinghamshire studios.
The film - titled Carry On Ploughing - is set in the farming community of mid Devon and centres around a young hapless farming lad played by Jim Dale trying to woo the barmaid from the local village pub. Dale tries to impress the barmaid (played by Barbara Windsor) with his ploughing skills and his massive seed planter. But the barmaid's mother has misgivings about Dale and what he intends doing with his enormous dibber, and has barred the farming lad from the local pub.
Carry On regulars Sid James, Kenneth Williams and Charles Hawtrey are all said to be on board with the new film and say it is one of the most laughable and implausible scripts they have encountered in Carry On history.
James said he had appeared in nearly 20 Carry On films but the plot for this script was the most ridiculous yet.
Former Tory MP Ann Widdicombe was initially pencilled in to be Windsor’s battle-axe mother, but having met her during rehearsals Rank say she would be better suited to the new Hammer House of Horrors movie set for next year.
Parish said he had been working on the Carry On script while serving as a sitting MP and had even researched farming practices on his mobile phone while still at work. The former Tiverton and Honiton MP added that he had been so keen to get the Rank script ready for filming, he had even visited websites while sitting on the front bench in the House of Commons.
A publicist for Rank welcomed having Parish on board and looked forward to working with him on this and future projects. ‘Neil is Rank through and through,’ he said. ’We think he will fit in nicely with his new stablemates.’
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