Reform-led Councils Now Pay Pensions in Farage Bucks

Following the announcement that Reform-led councils will block staff from joining the Local Government Pension Scheme, Deputy Leader of the party Richard Tice has told current members of the plans they will now be paid in a new digital currency called Farage Bucks.

"It's very simple," The MP for Boston and Skegness said from his home in Dubai. "Nigel's a bit of a whizz in the world of Crypto, so we've taken the council pension pots and transferred them all into a memecoin based on his image and popularity, much like President Trump. So long as he stays in the media's eye with positive stories, pensioners will keep getting paid and the value of their pots will grow much more than through traditional investments like the stock market."

In Durham, one of the ten councils now under Reform UK's control, retired council employees had mixed opinions about the new payment arrangements. "I think it's wonderful," said one person at the local working men's club. "I've even taken the contents of my ISA and put it into my pension pot, as having a million Farage Bucks means you get a framed picture of the man himself signed by one of his assistants."

Another was slightly more suspicious, "It's a bit cheeky that I have to use an exchange in the UAE owned by Isabel Oakeshott to turn my Farage Bucks into Sterling," he said. "The fact it automatically includes a 1% donation to Reform on every transaction is also a bit of an eyebrow raiser. But what else can you expect from old frog-face? Some of us have already started calling his money Baron Greenbacks."

image from pixabay

www.newsbiscuit.com

It's only a Google search away, Nigel

Reform leaders to appear separately on BBC 'for security reasons'

Just as members of the Royal Family never take the same plane, Reform’s leaders Nigel Farage and Richard Tice have been advised to appear on different BBC programmes in case a sane member of the public is inadvertently let in.

‘You never see Nigel and Richard together’, an insider told us. ‘Okay, they hate each other’s guts, but the main reason is to maintain resilience in the event of an assassination attempt, like that one where Donald absorbed a bullet through his earlobe giving him superpowers. God, I love that man’.

The BBC has agreed to have them on separate programmes until the heat death of the universe or their manifesto makes sense, whichever comes first. Fiona Bruce has been doing this for the past year, alternating one or other Reform leader, occasionally letting Lee Anderson on instead so he doesn’t feel left out.

We asked a BBC spokesman what Anderson brings. ‘Do you remember when Ross from Friends had that monkey in season 1? They had to find something for it to do in each episode, must have been a nightmare for the scriptwriters. We made the same mistake – people expect to see Lee every so often, though the monkey would have been easier to direct’.