Concerns grow about ultra processed politicians

Experts believe that the growing number of ‘ultra-processed politicians’, or UPPs, could be harming democracy.

Defining an ultra-processed politician is difficult, but that there are a number of tell-tale signs to look out for. For example, a UPP is more likely to have gone to a private school, to have a degree in PPE, and to have never had a proper job.

Other factors to watch out for include: candidates parachuted into safe seats without having lived there, those who are overexposed on the telly - often with silly photo-op stunts or appearances on topical comedy shows and social media, and those who have a flexible relationship with the truth.

These politicians are dangerous because they can seem to be wholesome enough. Constant media exposure makes them seem attractive to the electorate. UPP candidates may then sweep aside more serious candidates who have refused to sell out to the media circus.

These UPPs often talk about serving their constituents, but frequently fail to deliver. They can have a negative impact on a wide range of policy areas – health, housing, crime, schools and the environment, for example. In the long run, their poor performance can undermine confidence in the whole democratic system.

Voters are advised to be on their guard and to watch out for electoral candidates with their own TV shows or newspaper columns, corporate directorships, and honorary degrees. A fake tan and social media photos with C, D and Z list celebrities are not a good sign. And watch out for candidates who relentlessly parrot meaningless party slogans and don’t appear to be able to think for themselves.

Forewarned is forearmed! Let’s be careful out there.

Image by Tumisu from Pixabay

Valentine’s Day relationship test subverted by big business

According to social media, you can find out if your partner really loves you by suggesting that they should peel an orange for you. If they are prepared to undertake this small act of kindness for you, then they are indeed a keeper.

However, big business has moved in to undermine the test, as up-market stores are now selling pre-peeling oranges, satsumas, kumquats and even grapes. And to minimise the effort required even further, you can have them delivered to your house in under 30 minutes.

So, if you feel the need to test your partner in this way, you should make sure that they haven’t been cheating on you with the internet.

Experts say that it may be better to address the issue more directly. For example, by asking your partner if they can lend you fifty quid.

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Historians outraged that GPs can retrain as Historian Associates

'It's an outrage,' said an eminent historian today.   'I studied for three years as an undergraduate, took a Masters - another three long years while working in a museum - then got my PhD.  Took me bloody years and my student debt is through the roof.  Now they're allowing medics with a GP qualification to fast-track as historians by taking a two-year post graduate qualification.  Not only that, but they're paying these 'History Associates' two grades higher than me for half the work,' he said, anger brimming over.

A government spokesman for the Department of Culture, Media and Sport defended the HA route.  'HAs aren't there to replace historians, they're there to augment them. They can do the boring, repetitive work, freeing up the fully qualified historians to search for Dials of Destiny, Crystal Skulls and Lost Arks - to crack the whip, so to speak,' said the spokesman. He admitted that 'occasionally' HAs have been put on the History Consultant rota to fill gaps. In one such case a HA entered a Temple of Doom without authorisation and caused the death of several assistants by allowing large stone spheres to roll over them and failing to take suitable care with automatically fired knives from booby-trapped caves.

'It's a slippery-slope,' fumed the historian.  'Properly trained historians know how to deal with things like fighting Nazis on top of speeding locomotives, wrestling with snakes or sinking into quicksand. Museum directors are seeing this new grade as a way to replace properly trained historians with inadequately trained historian associates who happen to have a medical degree.  That way they don't have to pay for first-aiders either,' he added.

Image: Photo by Mile Modic on Unsplash