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With the oldest candidates since the open audition for the role of Gandalf, the US is facing an election dominated by elderly issues – and comfy slippers. Biden is one foot in the grave and Trump is one foot in prison. Even their prime-time dementia debates will be followed by a nap time.
Complained one voter: ‘How do we choose between two men who think 2024 is well passed their bed time. Many Americans can remember where they were when JFK was shot, these two can remember where they were when Lincoln was shot.’
Following its unexpectedly strong showing in the Kingswood and Wellingborough by-elections, experts think they have identified the secret of the Reform (formerly Brexit) Party’s success.
'We’ve run the numbers, carried out surveys and focus groups, and the answer is clear. What appeals to the British public is to have one policy, which is to call for something that’s happened already.'
It’s thought that this insight might be capitalised on by other parties, who may start declaring themselves in favour of the millennium, the 1944 eruption of Vesuvius or the last ice age.
'Of course, one shouldn’t discount the appeal of the name Reform, which appeals to everyone’s vague sense that things could be better without the tedious necessity of spelling out what, or how you would achieve it.
'And let’s not forget, these were by-elections, in which a seaside donkey standing for the Less Fat Children Party would probably get votes, if it seemed like a risk-free way to give the government a kicking.'
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