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ITV has announced it has commissioned three new seasons of the hit drama Mr Bates vs The Post Office, confirming that the script will be written as soon as the Post Office commits further miscarriages of justice upon innocent postmasters.
It's thought the titular Mr Bates character, portrayed by Toby Jones in the show, will feature in the new episodes, though the fate of villain Paula Vennells, the criminal mastermind of the first series, and whose sinister catch phrase 'the Horizon system is robust' had the nation on the edge of their seats, is currently unknown.
Since the drama aired, tourists from as far afield as Japan have flocked to Mr Bates' home in the national park of Snowdonia, drawn by the idyllic scenery seen in the drama, with further boosts to the tourist industry in Wales and Surrey. Several beer gardens in which Mr Bates took telephone calls have already received National Trust Heritage status.
A spokesman for ITV said, 'We are delighted to announce further series of one of our most popular dramas. In the absence of any major scandals on the Post Office's part, we will concentrate storylines on smaller controversies such as the rising cost of stamps, damage to Amazon parcels, and envelopes being measured incorrectly, and of course we'll be revisiting fans' favourite heroes and villains.'
'Rest assured, Mr Bates will again be solving post office-based crimes while hiking in areas of natural beauty.'
Rishi Sunak has allegedly unveiled his master disaster plan to some aides, including Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst who confided 'Using his background in finance Rishi has essentially put a giant negative spread bet on the number of seats the Tories might win. So the worse it is, the better.
'Rishi will unleash a string of truly, wildly idiotic policies and promises, mostly from the drawers marked 'break glass in case of culture wars' and 'rejected Rees-Mogg erotic fantasies'. Weirdly, compulsory military uniform for 18 year old boys was in both. Anyway, the idea is for the Tories to be so far behind by general election day, Rishi won't need to hang around. He can take his jet to his California mansion, surrounded by piles of cash and enjoy the 4th July fireworks, independent from being PM.'
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