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A whooping JK Rowling was allegedly seen orchestrating an angry mob with pitchforks and torches, searching for trans people to 'ask legitimate questions'. That came after a legal ruling on representation on public sector boards was celebrated by all the wrong people.


Rowling and Graham Linehan are said to be co-writing a buddy comedy where all the trans characters are either evil killers or suffer gruesome torture and recant their trans-ness before dying horribly - or both. Both Rowling and Linehan cited William Shakespeare as a writer who would never use characters who cross dress or change gender.


One anti-trans activist proposed trial-by-toilet for trans people. '100% of trans people either want to commit or have committed or are committing right now, sex crimes in public toilets. Now that is not true, but it might be, which is close enough. Why are you so in favour of sex crimes in public toilets?'


'We must put trans people on trial, by dunking them into a public toilet. If they drown, then they're innocent, but if they survive, then we can legally put them to death on JK Rowling's birthday.'


Another interrupted, frothing at the mouth. 'I blame Les Dawson and maybe Mrs Doubtfire. Is hunting with dogs still banned? Typical lefties! We'll just have to resort to some good old fashioned, common sense, mob justice – maybe throw in a cheeky little lynching here and there for variety. I just can't wait to smash what I don't understand.'



Image credit: Stable Diffusion


The Easter Bunny will be on strike this year in a dispute over pay, pensions and working conditions.


'I'm on a zero hours contract,' said the Easter Bunny. I don't get much work during the year, until Easter, where it all goes a bit mad.  I do help the elves a bit at Christmas, as I'm allowed to handle chocolate gifts and baubles.  So, I'm on the bread line, and hopping mad.


'Because I'm on a zero hours contract, I can't use the company gym or the staff discount scheme.   And I don't get to go on team awaydays.   Which isn't a problem, actually.


'I get docked money if any of the eggs are damaged, but I'm so busy over the Easter weekend that it's impossible to deliver everything safely.   Some years I run a deficit - I pay more for damaged eggs that I get paid.  I think the company is institutionally rabbitist, but HR say that I'm not covered by the Egg Qualities Act.  My lawyer has suggested telling the company that I'm trans - that should put the wind up then.


The company says that children should not worry about getting their Easter eggs, as they have recruited hundreds of non-union Easter Bunny Community Support Officers and agency staff to do the work instead.



Picture credit: stable diffusion


'I'm giving the Iranian regime two weeks to sign a deal to limit its nuclear activities,' Trump told the White House press corps, 'and if it refuses, I will subject it to the biggest wave of bombast the world has ever seen.


'No one can bombast their enemies more bigly than me,' boasted Trump.


'I have ordered a B2 bombast strike force to Diego Garcia which will hit the hell out of Iran with tough-guy threats, and I'll be launching wave after wave of intercontinental bombastic missiles on Tehran from the USS Blowhard, to bore the living hell out of everyone who listens to me.


'And if those fascist priests who run Iran - who I very much respect for their incredible fascist style of running the 'joint - still refuse to do what I tell them, then I'll huff and I'll puff and I will bloviate their house down... bigly!'



Picture credit: deep dream generator

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