Well, seeing as we're here

Bus used for funeral procession 'failed to stop at the cemetery'

When a number 13 bus was used to convey a London veteran bus driver on his last journey, the organisers failed to consider the correct route. 'We picked him up from his house, which really needed to be a number 14x,' said Bert today. 'It would have been better if he'd travelled from the chapel of rest as that's a number 16 and goes straight past the cemetery, although with it being a request stop it could still cause problems,' he added.

The deceased driver's family travelled in a Corporation bus that was supposed to follow the lead bus, but in fact diverted to the railway station as a rail replacement service due to the strikes. 'It was a shock, but I was able to pop into Tesco while it waited for the connecting service,' the bus driver's widow said. 'Unfortunately it never went anywhere near the cemetery so we all missed the burial.'

The officiating priest caught an Uber and was waiting for three quarters of an hour until he got a call advising that the coffin was sitting in lost property back at the depot. 'His wife's got six months to claim him, otherwise he's off to landfill, ironically' said a Corporation spokesman.

Train Strikes Causing Classic Jokes To Fail

Train strikes have rendered the punchlines to classic jokes inaccurate and the revised alternatives just aren’t as funny. The popular joke asking what’s white and yellow and goes at sixty miles an hour is now; what’s white and yellow and goes at zero miles an hour? A striking train driver's egg sandwich.

A sandwich travelling very fast is an amusing image. A stationary sandwich is not. A fast egg sandwich is also likely to produce an eggy waft of scent, a static sandwich much less so.

A joke which often pops out of a Christmas cracker is How do you weigh a whale? Take him to a whaleweigh (railway) station! This joke now requires an addendum stating; there’s no point taking him to a whaleweigh (railway) station on Thursday or Saturday, because of the strikes.

This isn’t amusing, it’s just a potentially wasted journey with a big mammal of uncertain tonnage.

The punchline of there isn’t one, we’ve had to send the toffee by road instead, is a crap punchline to the popular confectionery joke what do you call a train full of toffee? This used to be a chew chew train! And was enjoyed by all ages.

The joke what is a train driver’s favourite footwear? Platform shoes! Is also not working very well but that’s because platform shoes were a popular shoe choice in the 1970s but not now, although since strikes have come back into fashion in a big way, maybe the platform shoe will too.