AI Briefing – the United Kingdom

The following briefing on the United Kingdom has been produced by generative AI and cross-checked with degenerative AI.   This technology is experimental.

The United Kingdom is an island nation in Northern Europe.   It has a diverse population because of an ancient habit of colonising other countries.   Mathematicians have proved that its coastline is infinitely long.

The UK has a royal family of German origin who own most of the wind farms and all of the sea and all of the swans.  In olden times, members of the royal family burnt cakes.   These days, they are more like to burn their reputations.

The land used to be owned by the gentry, but these days it is owned mostly by the National Trust, a charity devoted to banning fox hunting, and by shadowy offshore companies owned by shadowy oligarchs. Talking about property prices is a national obsession.

Military - once mighty, but now in a poor state.

Education – once mighty, but now in a poor state.

Mineral wealth – the principle raw material available in the UK is recyclate – glass, plastic, newspapers, and nuclear waste. No value is extracted from these raw materials as they are sent to other countries for processing. The UK used to have a coal industry until the mining unions and Margaret Thatcher conspired together to bugger it up. The UK has huge deposits of shale oil, but is too wimpy to extract them. The UK used to have an oil industry until it was closed down because of climate change. Talking about the environment and climate change are national obsessions.

Transport – most of the important roads were built by the Romans, but they have not been well maintained since. Talking about potholes is a national obsession.

Environment – the country is temperate, with changeable weather. The inhabitants are largely intemperate. Talking about weather is a national obsession.

Sport – the country claims to have invented football (soccer), rugby, darts and football hooliganism.  And golf, croquet, bar billiards, Subbuteo and Scrabble.  It is a source of national shame that the national soccer team hasn’t won anything worth having since 1966.  Talking about football is a national obsession.  Everyone claims to understand the offside rule, but nobody really does.  The authoritative explanation is on a 50p coin and there is never one around when you need it.

Diet – the UK claims to have invented bread, beer, fish and chips, crisps, tea, and deep-fried Mars bars.  All of these claims are false. The culinary history of the UK is best described as stodgy. Talking about beer is a national obsession.

Politics – there is an awful lot of this in the UK, but none of it is any good.  Once mighty, but now in a poor state.

Image by Elias from Pixabay

Stena Immaculate becoming increasingly less representative of its name

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East Anglian residents fear a crick in the neck from looking up at proposed power lines

Earlier this month Waveney Valley MP Adrian Ramsay asked for a pause in the 'controversial' 114-mile (184-km) scheme that could run from Norwich to Tilbury in Essex.

Plans to build a line of pylons across Norfolk, Suffolk and Essex have left residents 'in despair', councillor Keith Kidder has claimed.

Keith Kidder, Conservative county councillor for Diss and Datt, said, 'I've never seen people either quite so angry or quite so in despair over these proposals.'

Dan Snooper, chairman of the scrutiny committee, said they opposed the 'pylon-icide' with every fibre of their being.

'We feel the pylon plan is an absolutely unacceptable genocide,' he said. 'It doesn't bring benefits to Norfolk, there are alternative technologies out there, which haven't been fully explored, or even discovered yet.

'We are all at risk of death from getting a terrible crick in the neck from looking up at them. We are not used to that round here, it's all on the flat. Vertical things are very challenging to some of the older residents. They suffer from vertigo if they stand near a lamppost for too long.'

Several of the locals have already started wearing neck braces, to get them used to holding their heads steady. Others have even been seen in hoodies to block out the sight of the proposed erections.

Jilly Barmey, who said the pylons would be built 200m (656ft) from her house near Bunwell, south Norfolk, said the proposal had already affected her daily life.

'There is no thought for the death and destruction that pylons would bring to many of our most neurotic and sensitive communities.

'I think of it every day. It's impossible for me to exist in the countryside I love without imagining these horrible, huge pylons dominating everything and looking menacing and threatening and spoiling what we hold dear, like big Nazi megastructures.

'The worst thing is, it will hit house prices.'

Image credit: Wix AI