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Keir Starmer – the answer to the question who would finish third in a Keir Starmer lookalike competition, behind a Keir Starmer cardboard cutout and a Henry Hoover with print out of Keir Starmer’s face stuck on – has been forced to clamp down on the sheer number of Tory defectors to Labour.
One Labour MP said 'Most Tory MPs are sociopathically addicted to power and so have no problem changing parties in their lust for control. These Tory immigrants are arriving in small boats, sailing across the floor of the House of Commons. We could deport them to Rwanda for processing, but apparently, "that’s illegal". Boooooooring.'
'The Tories say we should leave the ECHR, but that's because the H stands for Human and so it doesn't apply to them.'
Photo by Dimitry Ljasuk on Unsplash
'What's the matter, can't you take a joke, you English snowflakes? Or is it because English snowflakes usually come with a red St George's Cross tattoo-ed on them. We wouldn't want you looking stupid.'
'Also, you will lose your minds when you realise England's away kit isn't as white as you wish everyone in the country was.'
'Legally speaking, the red of the St George's cross should be dragon's blood, but as St George was a Turkish man (probably an immigrant) and dragons don't exist, this is tricky to pull off in a modern supply chain.'
'Who knows, maybe the England men's team will win a trophy in the age of colour television and this will matter.'
'After all, the Tories and Reform would never produce blue or purple versions of that flag. At least this will identify any full kit wanker MPs.'
Image: Newsbiscuit
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