top of page
Search
Forget thermal underwear, layering up, spending the entire day draped in a fleece onesie, wearing mittens or a scarf to try to keep warm this winter. Instead get in with the in crowd and snap up this year's exclusive must wear fashion accessory, the Price Cap.
As featured extensively on Lorraine, Good Morning, Loose Women and widely on most news channels, the Price Cap is available from a variety of different companies and with a huge range of price options. It will allow you to be on point with your winter fashion and control your energy usage.
Not to be confused with the flat cap which is far more stylish, or the Dutch cap which offers better protection, made from material that is as believable as a Boris Johnson statement in the House of Commons and is as long lasting as early morning dew, the Price Cap is the latest in a line of fast fashion wear. It follows on from the 'Get Brexit Done' button, and precedes the soon to be released Liz Truss Halloween mask.
With a new version appearing almost every week, the Price Cap will provide a never ending range of options to mix and match with other clothing, so that you are always up to date with ever-changing energy fuelled fashions.
Old Whassname? You know, thingummy? The Chancellor of the Exchequer will be introducing a sun ray tax, to charge UK citizens for undeservedly high levels of wellbeing.
'Over the past month or so of warm weather,' said the grey blur of a chancellor, who will be gone by the end of the summer, 'none of you has needed to use your central heating.
"Also, a great many of you have walked or cycled to places so you can enjoy the sunshine, rather than driving - thereby saving on petrol.
"And all you freeloaders have been receiving free infusions of Vitamin D, rather than having to buy it as a dietary supplement from Boots.
"I have even been told by Treasury officials, who have been out spying on you all, that some of you have been dangling your bare feet over the banks of rivers in the countryside, looking at the clear blue sky and thinking that life isn't that bad, after all.
"This level of carefree contentment is unacceptable, since you are all meant to be living through the nastiest cost of living crisis in 50 years.
"Where the hell do you think you are? The Mediterranean? And don't you know it's only this sunny because of life-destroying global warming?
"We will now claw back all the money you thought you'd been saving, and pitch you all back into abject guilt and desperation, with our new Sun Ray Tax. It's a variation on the windfall taxes we impose on firms when they make undeservedly high profits.
"So just remember: if you are basking in the sun right now and feeling vaguely happy with life, we are sure as hell going to make you pay for it, Sunny Jim."
photo: https://pixabay.com/users/geralt-9301/
bottom of page